the juice of Bats and Supes

Basically I was watching the trailer the other night with my girlfriend’s fourteen year old half hispanic son. When it ends he’s just like whatever about it and I’m super stoked.

I close my laptop and I’m trying to get him to feel the juice of Bats and Supes and he doesn’t even make eye contact and just starts dicking around with his phone. So I grab him by the shirt and I say “That Son of a Bitch brought the war to us!” in my best Bats right in his face.

There was a tussle, I thought we were just horsing around but apparently I took it too far. I’m kind of in the dog house but I also feel like I’m kind of in the right because this movie looks amazing and I think most families would enjoy acting out Bats vs Supes. Are kids just not into this stuff anymore?


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cool david grohl story

cool david grohl story: a guy i know got drunk at a bar and met a guy who claimed to be dave grohl. the guy took him back to his house and got in the hottub with him and stroked him off and did gay shit to him claiming it was okay because he was dave grohl. Well he wasn’t dave grohl


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i just want to be one of the guys

New jobs going great, reintegration into society is rough & making a lot of friends but its so painful. Every coworker has Whatsapp, first thing I did after I remember I had it installed was change my pic from Adolf hitler to a “cool” selfie. Think like “The c00L Guy” mixed with a bit of cold seriousness. Lol. Working on fake lahghs on master chief collection lobbies, someone at the kuerig machine will reference the office or colbert vid the next day etc, have to come off genuine ive fucked this up before by looking to jaded. “AaHhaha whats wrong newguy, no sense of humor??? How about i toss a phantom fireworks smokebomb into the upstairs lounge, flushing u all out downstairs into the snackroom where im waiting w a modded M1A socom that accept drum mags lmfao, i will fucking laugh genuinly then. til then its just agonizing ‘ahah’ and chuckles when someone brings up how some qb ive never heard of fumbles a ball. hard to turn the convo into how about ghost in the shell was fromfucking 1995, and look at the world now, I usually get a meme on my whatsapp and I reply w/ “Lel” or ‘lulz where u find this shit ‘ (pretending to not know eveyrhting), lmaooo, etc, every kek killing me inside slowly, like being a MGS4 clone, but instead its a cutcopy of someone from society., i just want to be one of the guys.


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Vendetta Bladeswallow

Vendetta Bladeswallow put the technology cube inside of the plasma duct. “The plasma duct normally takes 6.2 seconds to aetherfuse the cube,” she said. I nodded, since even a baby would know that a plasma duct can aetherfuse a technology cube in 6.2 seconds. “But I added a special cyberengine that makes it do the same thing in 5.8 seconds instead.” Her spacesuit was a sexy thong and you could see her boobs really well in it too.
“Holy shit!” I yelled. “That’s the fastest a technology cube has been aetherfused ever in the whole history of the universe!” It was true. If you tried to do it faster a bad portal would happen and lightning would shoot out.


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trip spacefuck

trip spacefuck put on his trusty space coat and readied his beams. “I wont let those PlekandooXankar scum get ahold of my math equation,” he said as he fired some of the beams that were ready. Not all of them. He still had 6 beams left. The spaceship holds 8 beams by the way.


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pretty typical christmas

Lmao but really, it was a pretty typical christmas.  tried to do the thing where u get all nostalgic and play all the old games you used to on past christmas breaks. but itd been so long since i last blazed and all the other sh*t going on i just couldnt pull my self up by the boot straps to click a .exe or put a old disc in.  well i could have don that but sold all my old systems + games for scratchoffs lmao.  i did actually loot my junk drawwer in a last ditch attempt to find a smokeable abount for a bowl.  which turned out to be a jellybean sized mass of shake & scratch off flakes (this literally took like an hour).after finding my old bucket bong oin the side yard covered in mold & dirt and hosing the mosquito nest out i got absolutely ripped .  fired up skyrim and spent like 2 hrs trying to find the top of the mountain but holy shit , it was just surreal… til i realized i didnt completely uninstall the nude mod from years ago and was geting pummeled by an ice troll w/ a 2 foot weiner lmao.  3 hrs later im eating breakfast w/ relatives, i cant stop thinking of “top kek” & other memes for some reason, everyone asks what im thinkin about and if i wasnt stonned i prob would have justtried to explain top kek, lel, lulz , unironically,but i was able to stop myself and just say what a great christmas its been.,


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warriors vs. wizards

its way more ridiculous than that oft. lets say theres a quest. but the warrior cant get the quest cause his dialogue options are “hurr” and “durururrr”. wizard casts ‘limp-dílz’s charisma dust’ on himself and gets the quest, has the quest giver join the party and give the wizard a blowjob. the quest is to kill a bad guy in a castle. the warrior looks at the castle impotently and walks away since theres no entrance. the wizard casts ‘viagra for eyes’ and finds secret passways that wouldve eluded a high level thief. the entrance is locked though and the warrior starts crying. wiz casts ‘a ghost opens the door for you’ and goes in. inside the bad guy is invisible, immortal, made of fire, immunity to enchanted weapons +9, regenerater more than his health per turn and takes fifty turns where a player character does one. the warrior is raped to death before he even looks at the bad guy. wizard casts time stop, chain spell, remove invisibility, remove immortality, put out fire, remove immunity to weapons, anti-regenerate, death spike, balls of steel, immunity to not-winning, puts down seven hundred acid traps on the floor aorund the bad guy, comes out of time stop and the bad guy dies before blinking. the wizard gets the xp, learns Summon A Literal Meteor amd goes home to fuck his beutiful wife and make another episode of steam shots.


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child support checks

Do I have to accept a child support check covered in literal shit or otherwise if it is made elaborately hard to get? (self.legaladvice)

In the last year, he has stuck the check in an actually bucket of slop, he has stuck it in a zip lock baggie of dog shit, he has taped it to my roof, he has tried to get me to play an elaborate scavenger hunt, he has driven to my son’s elementary school on a day that isn’t his custody day and stuck in my son’s backpack and not told anyone and when I asked him where it was he has said ” guess where?” which lead to an elaborate search of the house and two days of a guessing game (it was well hidden in a tiny pocket in the backpack and my son had no idea his dad even put anything in there, he has buried it in my back yard with my son’s help, he has hand delivered to my HR department at work with “for the bitch” on the envelope, paid me cash in all $1, he has threatened to pay me in change (which he has not done yet), and he has written me 350 different checks for $1 each.


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talking to girls

and then, ah whate could italke with a girl about anyway. she’d be like, i just went to the mall. i’d say , i spend my days reading european novels in translation about the death of the human animal, it’s thoughts in the process of dying. two of them, which i read sequentially, were about roman’s dying, virgial and hadrian, respectivally. ooh let’s go to yogurt land she’d say. erm, did you know that the capitalist system is built upon the corpses of hundreds of millions of dead chinese, indians [dot and fether], languages, and europes own working classes. ooh i love juicy coture she’d ssay. did you know [mameshiba voice] fisheries and coastal reefs are collapsing at a rate not seen since the mesozoic. ahaha i just love listening to music it makes me feel so good, she’d say, turning up kesha. i am unable to act. i am unable to move. the only decision i make on a daily basis is to masturbate, imagining performing “paizuri” on haruhi suzumiya, an anime female. but even that is merely the absurd, pathetic end result of a series of stupid, inane, unknowable events that began 10^(-14) seconds after the big bang began, when quantum mechanics as such came into being. let’s watch the new steve carell movie she’d say


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reading a great book

I’ll be reading a great book, for example Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell, and I’ll just read one of those really great sentences that you reread and reflect on. All of those themes and poignant statements will just come together and I’ll set the book down and go cum in the bathroom.


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