this isnt even a fakepost. i mentioned it on SA. but when i was around 11 or possibly 12 the episode where bulma and vegeta begin their relationship was broadcast in my country. i immediately sunk in a deep deep depression. the first time i had been betrayed by a woman. not just any woman. the woman of my dreams. dont say a 2d girl cant hurt you. they can. take it from me. i swear to god this next part isnt a fakepost: i got so upset by this stopped playing with friends and developed irregular sleep patterns, i started failing classes in school, i refused to talk to anyone about why i was acting this way but it just got worse. i wouldnt do anything except sit on the front porch and when people tried to talk to me i would just mumble. i was so withdrawn that the school actually though i was being molested lol. my parents couldnt get me to say why i was acting liek this since i refused to tell them the real reason. as a result i was sent to a psychyatrist who also failed to coax the reason for my behavior out of me and diagnosed me with depression, anxiety, schizotypal disorder, and bi polar disorder all at serperate times. i spent almost my entire adolescence overmedicated on any number of drugs. ssri’s benzos, anti psychotics like thorazine and seroquel, depakote. you name it. as a result i developed an addiction to benzodiazapenes that i have to this day and it probably primed my adolescent brain to be receptive to addictive substatnces which is alos why ive struggled with heroin and alchoholism intermittently for most of my life/ none of this is made up. im not fake posting. this all really happened and it happened because of anime
Toney Hawk and Sonic the hedgehog team up to make the ultimate Dreamcast jrpg, with insane bosses, sick characterization, and partial nuidety. Slimer drives drunk on ectocooler+vodkas and accidently runs over a child.All the power rangers die simultaneously in a plane crash over the chilean andes, except for the black ranger who kills himself 3 years later due to guilt with a deadly xanax, white rice, and 90s nostalgia cocktail. Pizza Hut Labs never invents the stuffed crust and the world exists perpetually in the grim dystopian alternate reality of restricted cheese delivery technology. Aids is cured in late 1996 but rory still dies of an ass disease
[Olhado comes in wearing full Dashiki with white ipod earbuds blaring Eryka Badu hanging off] Yeah, can you guys please not post….THAT word? I wouldnt want JaTavious, Takeitha JaMarcus Litrelle Latevin and LaDarius to know I had such a black mark on my Posting Career. Not that a mark is bad because its black, its just…I mean, fuck this, aill see you whiteys later Ive got some Chapelles Show dvds to catch up on.Balck POWAH my brothas! *Walks off with african beads and wood trinkets comically clinking together*
[in an idyllic home in the American suburbs]
Me (tucking my black son into bed): Son, there’s no such thing as niggerstomper58. It’s just an urban legend that black youth tell each other, to scare them away from irony, so they can become successful in non ironic black professions such as NBA athlete or black business man. Now go to sleep. Peace
[I close the door and turn off the lights and suddenly , painted on the wall in glow in the dark paint is "I love shitting inside nigger assholes" and my black son screams]
Saw enough shit for one day. Linksys took a .50 round and a couple of mechanical keyboards were destroyed in an ambush. The realization that I`m not invincible is slowly kicking in. But with a 9 volt, some detcord, and a couple of magnets attached to the steel mousepad I have in my plate carrier, I believe I will be able to create a sort of electromagnetic deflection field so my enemy`s fire will just curve around me. I`ve ran the raw data past the boys in yospos and so far we still have a green light. Hell, I`ve used wired mice as grappling hooks when tossed into the right nooks. Even if I’m caught I figure the boys in black will give me a job in some blacked out line of work and I will get my pension.
So my girlfriend made me a glass of sweet tea the other day. I examined it closely to see how much she fucked it up, usually a lot. Anyhoo. Fine condensation beading on exterior of glass, check. Slight froth lacing along top edge, check. Viscous but runny and thin mouthfeel, check. But then something caught my attention. The sugar….. I could tell! It had been dissolved some time within the last hour! I threw all her things out onto the lawn and had my house slaves dump the disgraceful pitcher of tea all over her unconscious body.
i started reading Feeyad when i was 1 year old baby and I looked at the screen and saw the Gross Picks and Got a boner I raped my first “Hoe” at the age of 3 and Cummed in her to. I got all Effs in school and wrote Feeyad memes on all my tests and quizzes and me and NiggerStomper58 would go around and torture woodland creatures and spell out “Coco the clowns a police” with squirrel entrails on the wood board floor of the gym. at the age of 6 i curb stomped a Nigga because he told me Barnacle Jim had a short face. Anyways I work at Goldman Sachs now and make 7 figure salary.
Stupid girl: How come that guy spends all his time at the computer smacking his keyboard and chuckling like a faggot
Smart man who has to explain stuff for the girl: Hes an artisan who is crafting extremely ironic shit for his internet friends, like how Baytoven was in the lab creating music even though he could have been laid easily, and how Hitler could have got pussy every night but instead he stayed in his quarters brainstorming for the final solution to jews, because he knew that solving the jewish problem was more important than one guy getting his dick wet from some slut.
Got it all planned out — it is quite perfect. I`ve been running MW3 to keep the twitch reflexes in check, and have also been extensivly playing Battle Field just as a reminder that you gotta lead moving targets, and that guns just don`t shoot magic laser bullets lol. I`ve recently come across an abandowned warehouse 1-2 mi. away from my current undisclosed location, and I`ve turned it into a kill house, full of mazes & targets — with a soda bottle taped to the muzzle, no one can hear me conducting by own special recipe of tactical training haha. Also custom mapped the building in Source engine editor, making sure to set the +runspeed variables realistically, as to ensuring my timeline is accurate. So, here it is:
0 min- Walk threw the front doors of the building I work at, headphones on, cuz I`m the new janitor and they think I`m weird anyway. Just pushing my janitor cart around lol..
2m31s- Am on the roof now, everyone thinks I`m in the basement fixing a leak, which will lower suspicion by a significant amount.
3m21s- Nestled into a good shotting position over looking wall st. SlipKnot is blasting my Sennheisers — about to unload once the breakdown kicks in.
3m55s- OK its the breakdown, Fuck coreys voice is amazeing. I`m unloadin on every suit & tie weareing robot peace of shit that ruined this countrys economy with their schemes. Hopefully plinked at least 20 jews. Im loseing track of time, changeing mags I say to myself, not realizing Ive been going at it for 4-5 minutes, OK the cops are showing up.
8m57s- Brakeing down weapons system & returning to the basement.
10m11s- Comeing up from the basement now… acting shocked and terrified at what happened. Say stuff like >”Id kill that motherfucker if I find him,” to lower if not completely remove suspicion once again.
8h24m22s- Back at home now,going to watch the news & post, lol.
WOW. Unless you get your news from Todd’s Fuckhammer Toilet Blog you are seriously a fucking uninformed piece of shit. Don’t you dare come up to me with that huffingtonpost shit either. The last time I had an “informed” college grad friend of mine tell me they read that (im in collage and dont work) I literally vomited all over my shoes and started sweating profusely. I got my bookbag, which is a messenger bag that is very impractical and weighs 80 lbs because of all the books i carry around and pretend to read, and just fucking left. I hit the library glass door with the front of one of my hardcovers in my bag and the glass shattered.
I turned around and said, this glass is pretty much representative of our friendship, Michael. See you never.