i started reading Feeyad

i started reading Feeyad when i was 1 year old baby and I looked at the screen and saw the Gross Picks and Got a boner I raped my first “Hoe” at the age of 3 and Cummed in her to. I got all Effs in school and wrote Feeyad memes on all my tests and quizzes and me and NiggerStomper58 would go around and torture woodland creatures and spell out “Coco the clowns a police” with squirrel entrails on the wood board floor of the gym. at the age of 6 i curb stomped a Nigga because he told me Barnacle Jim had a short face. Anyways I work at Goldman Sachs now and make 7 figure salary.


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

How come that guy spends all his time at the computer

Stupid girl: How come that guy spends all his time at the computer smacking his keyboard and chuckling like a faggot
Smart man who has to explain stuff for the girl: Hes an artisan who is crafting extremely ironic shit for his internet friends, like how Baytoven was in the lab creating music even though he could have been laid easily, and how Hitler could have got pussy every night but instead he stayed in his quarters brainstorming for the final solution to jews, because he knew that solving the jewish problem was more important than one guy getting his dick wet from some slut.


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Got it all planned out

Got it all planned out — it is quite perfect. I`ve been running MW3 to keep the twitch reflexes in check, and have also been extensivly playing Battle Field just as a reminder that you gotta lead moving targets, and that guns just don`t shoot magic laser bullets lol. I`ve recently come across an abandowned warehouse 1-2 mi. away from my current undisclosed location, and I`ve turned it into a kill house, full of mazes & targets — with a soda bottle taped to the muzzle, no one can hear me conducting by own special recipe of tactical training haha. Also custom mapped the building in Source engine editor, making sure to set the +runspeed variables realistically, as to ensuring my timeline is accurate. So, here it is:

0 min- Walk threw the front doors of the building I work at, headphones on, cuz I`m the new janitor and they think I`m weird anyway. Just pushing my janitor cart around lol..

2m31s- Am on the roof now, everyone thinks I`m in the basement fixing a leak, which will lower suspicion by a significant amount.

3m21s- Nestled into a good shotting position over looking wall st. SlipKnot is blasting my Sennheisers — about to unload once the breakdown kicks in.

3m55s- OK its the breakdown, Fuck coreys voice is amazeing. I`m unloadin on every suit & tie weareing robot peace of shit that ruined this countrys economy with their schemes. Hopefully plinked at least 20 jews. Im loseing track of time, changeing mags I say to myself, not realizing Ive been going at it for 4-5 minutes, OK the cops are showing up.

8m57s- Brakeing down weapons system & returning to the basement.

10m11s- Comeing up from the basement now… acting shocked and terrified at what happened. Say stuff like >”Id kill that motherfucker if I find him,” to lower if not completely remove suspicion once again.

8h24m22s- Back at home now,going to watch the news & post, lol.


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Todd’s Fuckhammer Toilet Blog

WOW. Unless you get your news from Todd’s Fuckhammer Toilet Blog you are seriously a fucking uninformed piece of shit. Don’t you dare come up to me with that huffingtonpost shit either. The last time I had an “informed” college grad friend of mine tell me they read that (im in collage and dont work) I literally vomited all over my shoes and started sweating profusely. I got my bookbag, which is a messenger bag that is very impractical and weighs 80 lbs because of all the books i carry around and pretend to read, and just fucking left. I hit the library glass door with the front of one of my hardcovers in my bag and the glass shattered.

I turned around and said, this glass is pretty much representative of our friendship, Michael. See you never.


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The Ghetto!

This is it, this is really it. The Ghetto! Here, see if the Wikipedia article says where to go next. I want to do my Memes at one of their freestyle street jams. Hahaha Rackbar Rackbar. Rackbar Rackbar Rackbar. Rackbar Rackbar Rackbar. Hahahaha. Don’t put the Iphone above the window!!! Look at those ones. Look at the fat one!!! This is freakin crazy. We’re crazy. Oh My God, imagine my gaia avatar costume on that black. Why are all their buildings so dirty?


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How to approach a girl: a guide

1) get your “game face” on and don’t be a creep
2) Do NOT sperg out.
3) Your fedora? Yeah, might want to leave that at home, champ.
4) Rape = no.
5) Throw some siracha on that bitch (edit: turns out I accidentally left this in from another of my guides but I’ve gotten some feedback saying that it is actually a really good icebreaker)


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I am my own 3D printer!

Several months ago, I set out to read a bunch of pregnancy books and report back to you on some of my favorites. I wanted to put together a list that would appeal to pregnant science dorks — those of us who enter the world of reproduction thinking about it less as a sacred, spiritual journey and more as a chance to participate in a really awesome DIY experiment. (I am my own 3D printer! Jealous, gentlemen?)


Categories: Reality

BURGIN TUNNEL TRICK

BURGIN TUNNEL TRICK —> BURGIN REAL BAD ON A FIRST DATE BUT ITS A REBURG REBURG YALLL ALREADY BURGED WITH THE GAL AND HAD TO BURG IT DOWN SLOW LIKE A NORM BUT DID THE JOB/GOT IT IN YA. BURGINS BACK THOUGH…AND BACK BIG…GOTTA FIND A TUNNEL (TONS IN NYC) KILL THE HEADLIGHTS TELL GAL EVERYTHINGS FRITZED AN STAY CALM..NOW BURG!!!! YA ONLY GOT TILL THE END OF THE TUN…REACH UNDER THE SEAT BURG BOYS ALWAYS GOTS A STASH


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

Just. Fucking. Classic.

Well, if it isn’t another amazing post by Barnacle Jim, the world’s favorite special-ed drop out. What’s amazing isn’t that your posts are so terrible, which they are, on the scale of one to total shit you’d be lucky to score less than World’s Biggest Faggot, an award previously held by your father who managed to squeeze his needle penis into your Prize Pig Mother’s rancid snatch between making visits to the truck stop and watching gay porn videos in the rec room, while you cried yourself to sleep in your unicorn sheets because mommy smelled like the weird drink again and looked like a raccoon after another visit to Uncle Ed, or should I say Mr. Ed, since there is certainly some equine blood in your veins, though not of noble stock I should think, since the only race you’ve ever won is the Who Can Be The Most Unfunny Poster For The Longest Time contest, in which you took the blue ribbon, something most of your girlfriends could do at the county fair, which is also where you must have received your education because you are stupider than a burlap sack full of cow dung, also known as your best friend throughout childhood, probably because the smell reminds you of the womb and Lord knows you’re short enough to crawl into a burlap sack and recreate the experience, though you probably couldn’t maintain a single thought long enough to accomplish anything as you’ve effectively destroyed what few and poor functioning brain cells you may have had with enough Marijuana to choke a hippo (and I should know, I’ve seen your girlfriend eat) so maybe it’s best if you leave the complex thought to those of us who still have the basic human faculties left to dress ourselves correctly, shower regularly, and not play frisbee golf like some kind of retarded child, too inept to play on the Real Playground and forced into some alterna-sport due to sheer natural selection, the same natural selection that decided you would never produce offspring, not only because your entire person smells like the inside of a New Age Apothecary toilet, but because your penis is small enough to pick the pubes out of your teeth once you get done fellating the rest of your closeted homosexual bike riding friends, who you surely pal around with out of spirited comradery and not because you enjoy watching a small band of the world’s detritus sweat and giggle in skin tight fagsuits, their tiny packages bulging out at you from their sweat-soaked bike seats, it’s that you have been making them for so long, mate.

Speaking of long, we haven’t even talked about your Birth Defect Poster Child Face. Honestly, mate, did your mother survive labor? If so, how could you tell? The only thing that separated her from a corpse in the first place is that she could still open her legs whenever something with a phallus-like object walked by. Seriously though, have you considered donating your head to science? If the doctors ever tired of staring at your freakish visage, they could cut the top of your skull off and store their prescription pads in the empty hollow within, oh sorry, didn’t mean to mention empty hollows, I know you are fond of your mother, just like most Johns out for a quick night of shudder-worthy release. But congratulations, you Gigantic Piece of Shit, for continuing to stick around this forum and contribute your Hilarious posts about What Beer You Drank Instead Of Dinner and How You Programmed a SQL Database. Classic material, Jim. Just. Fucking. Classic.


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

Been single since.

When I broke up with my highschool gf the Honda Oddysey I was driving broke down right in front of her house after we had said our last tearful goodbyes. I had to go knock on her door and ask her to get her dad to try to jump the minivan. It didnt work so I sat in her kitchen silenty for an hour and a half waiting for my drunk dad to come pick me up. Been single since.


Categories: Reality  /  Tags: