223 articles Articles posted in Fiction

i just want to be one of the guys

New jobs going great, reintegration into society is rough & making a lot of friends but its so painful. Every coworker has Whatsapp, first thing I did after I remember I had it installed was change my pic from Adolf hitler to a “cool” selfie. Think like “The c00L Guy” mixed with a bit of cold seriousness. Lol. Working on fake lahghs on master chief collection lobbies, someone at the kuerig machine will reference the office or colbert vid the next day etc, have to come off genuine ive fucked this up before by looking to jaded. “AaHhaha whats wrong newguy, no sense of humor??? How about i toss a phantom fireworks smokebomb into the upstairs lounge, flushing u all out downstairs into the snackroom where im waiting w a modded M1A socom that accept drum mags lmfao, i will fucking laugh genuinly then. til then its just agonizing ‘ahah’ and chuckles when someone brings up how some qb ive never heard of fumbles a ball. hard to turn the convo into how about ghost in the shell was fromfucking 1995, and look at the world now, I usually get a meme on my whatsapp and I reply w/ “Lel” or ‘lulz where u find this shit ‘ (pretending to not know eveyrhting), lmaooo, etc, every kek killing me inside slowly, like being a MGS4 clone, but instead its a cutcopy of someone from society., i just want to be one of the guys.


Categories: Fiction, Reality  /  Tags:

Vendetta Bladeswallow

Vendetta Bladeswallow put the technology cube inside of the plasma duct. “The plasma duct normally takes 6.2 seconds to aetherfuse the cube,” she said. I nodded, since even a baby would know that a plasma duct can aetherfuse a technology cube in 6.2 seconds. “But I added a special cyberengine that makes it do the same thing in 5.8 seconds instead.” Her spacesuit was a sexy thong and you could see her boobs really well in it too.
“Holy shit!” I yelled. “That’s the fastest a technology cube has been aetherfused ever in the whole history of the universe!” It was true. If you tried to do it faster a bad portal would happen and lightning would shoot out.


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

trip spacefuck

trip spacefuck put on his trusty space coat and readied his beams. “I wont let those PlekandooXankar scum get ahold of my math equation,” he said as he fired some of the beams that were ready. Not all of them. He still had 6 beams left. The spaceship holds 8 beams by the way.


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

warriors vs. wizards

its way more ridiculous than that oft. lets say theres a quest. but the warrior cant get the quest cause his dialogue options are “hurr” and “durururrr”. wizard casts ‘limp-dílz’s charisma dust’ on himself and gets the quest, has the quest giver join the party and give the wizard a blowjob. the quest is to kill a bad guy in a castle. the warrior looks at the castle impotently and walks away since theres no entrance. the wizard casts ‘viagra for eyes’ and finds secret passways that wouldve eluded a high level thief. the entrance is locked though and the warrior starts crying. wiz casts ‘a ghost opens the door for you’ and goes in. inside the bad guy is invisible, immortal, made of fire, immunity to enchanted weapons +9, regenerater more than his health per turn and takes fifty turns where a player character does one. the warrior is raped to death before he even looks at the bad guy. wizard casts time stop, chain spell, remove invisibility, remove immortality, put out fire, remove immunity to weapons, anti-regenerate, death spike, balls of steel, immunity to not-winning, puts down seven hundred acid traps on the floor aorund the bad guy, comes out of time stop and the bad guy dies before blinking. the wizard gets the xp, learns Summon A Literal Meteor amd goes home to fuck his beutiful wife and make another episode of steam shots.


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

reading a great book

I’ll be reading a great book, for example Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell, and I’ll just read one of those really great sentences that you reread and reflect on. All of those themes and poignant statements will just come together and I’ll set the book down and go cum in the bathroom.


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I earned the nickname

As soon as 88 tons of 767 hit the tower I was analyzing every smoke plume, every shattered window. I had been training all 12 years of my life on Highlights For Kids to spot the difference between two seemingly identical pictures and I’d be damned if any detail was going to escape my eyes. “Bingo” I said, my voice high due to me being a literal child, “Buildings are fireproof. This was staged.” I said aloud to my ape-like classmates; it was then that I earned the nickname I’d carry throughout the rest of my life: “Huge Faggot”


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still talking about centering bolts

10 fucking years. 3 presidential elections, 1/7th of an expected lifetime, reading about bandsaws and lathes and solder. Durrr my carborundum grit is too strong, guys where how do i talk to a jacobs taper. michael jackson was alive, we talked about centering bolts, he died, youre still talking abotu centering bolts. you should be ashamed of yoruselves


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

Just had sex.

*bursts through the door, hitting the dog with it* What’s up guys. Just had sex. Guess I’m not a wizard haha. That feel when too many tinder matches am I right guys lmao…….. so what movie are we watching *bites loudly into apple* (mouth full of apple) Looks gay


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

celsius vs fahrenheit

Europe: *hologaram of attractive woman appears* It is twenty and four degrees today. Have a civilized day.

US: *dancing McDonalds man on dedicated weather channel #43* It Will be THUSANDS of degrees today! Wow! *animated chicken nuggets enter from both sides to keep your attention*


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

The Ultimate Father

Brought a girl over to the house, just for ten minutes. Everyone was supposed to be gone and we were grabbing some stuff before we hit the movie. Yet somehow, we turn the corner into my room and there he is: The Ultimate Father, standing in the center of it in nothing but tighty whities and a saint louis cardinals ballcap. Time seemed to slow down as he reached out towards me, jar of medical creme in hand. “This is for your insane ass rash, that was so bad we had to go to the doctor and get prescription ass rash cream for it. Have fun out there kiddo” he said, the words ringing out like a bell. I stumbled, numb, trying to run but my legs betraying me. There was no time. It was too late. “And aren’t you going to introduce me to this sexy young lady?” he said. I began to scream.


Categories: Fiction