One day when my crush was over at my house with a couple of our friends, we decided to play spin the bottle. He had told everyone that he could make it so it landed on the person he wanted it to, so he spun it and it landed right on me! We went into the closet and turned off the lights. I leaned in to make out with him, but it was dark so I could just barely see where his face was. He started laughing and I realized that if we were making out he couldn’t be laughing! He turned on the lights and I realized that I had been making out with his chin instead of his lips! I nearly fainted! So my crush started painting my body, going up and down all over my body with his paintbrush fingers, he kept going, he kept whirling his fingers until I orgasmed over and over. His friends were stunned into silence, I woke up covered in a thousand colors and floating 60-70 feet above the ground in what I can only describe as a 9 foot wide rectangular disc. I can now sense the thoughts of birds and know who really runs the government. Please don’t pity me for I am beyond emotion now.

My school was putting on their annual play and I couldn’t get out of my costume. I asked my friend for help backstage, but when she pulled off my shirt my bra decided to come along with it. I flashed the whole backstage crew! I now work as a prostitute for animal human hybrids created by the department of defense to break the stalemate in Iraq and Afghanistan. Please pray for me.

One day I was in my math class and I was really excited because I had finally remembered to bring my red correcting pen. I turned to my friend and said, ‘Look what I brought to class today!’ She started laughing, and when I looked I realized I was holding a tampon! I heard laughing behind me and knew that it was my crush. I just looked forward and turned 10 shades of red. Then a cat jumped onto my desk and hissed in my ear a chinese scolding about impiousness. Talk about embarrassing!

I’d been going steady with Ryan for 3 weeks, and we would always hold hands and walk home together and we would always talk. Well, one day we’re walking home and I mentioned that I’m really scared of heights! He got really quiet and I didn’t know why! I felt soooo weird, but we got to his house and he asked me to come inside and I was like, I don’t know what to do! I went inside, and his dad was this totally nerdy guy, but his Mom wasn’t even a real person, she was just the the physical distance of 150 feet between a ledge and the ground! I was so embarrassed. That weekend I cheated on him. — E

My BFF Caitlin and I were hanging out and giving each other makeovers. She accidentally covered my eyes in eye shadow and know my vision is obscured by a thick bluish haze. Perhaps we should not try to tamper with our natural appearance. We have played God and now I will never see Cute Boys as they were meant to be seen, and I accidentally tripped and fell over at prom. Oops! —J

One time I was over at my boyfriend’s house for a party. My boyfriend has an identical twin. I went over to who I thought was my boyfriend and started kissing him. I felt a tap on my shoulder, and when I turned around my boyfriend said, ‘Why are you kissing him?’ After he said that, I turned back around to his twin and apologized. It was so embarrassing because a flock of crows was watching me the whole time. Now the crows haunt my waking nightmares and have begun locking with each other, claw in beak, wing wedged in tail, as a sort of living breathing garment. The black mass has changed my skin from a beautiful tan to a nearly transparent thick and slow moving solid which leaves bone and muscle exposed if any crow is removed. My parents and friends think I’m dead. Maybe I am. What’s left of me only knows that the flock is forever hungry. My thoughts and actions are no longer my own. Goodbye.

Father warned me of walking through the Forest of Suffering. I did it though. Now when I open my mouth to speak, sand pours out at a fast speed. No escape from my curse. I am sorry dad and my now ex-boyfriend for becoming a monster. —J

I was walking into the lunch room when my best friend Kate screamed my name. I turned around to see what she wanted and the table with the entire football team is staring right at me! As it turned out Kate screamed because I was about to fall into the mysterious pit they hadn’t covered up by the water fountain. I’ve been falling for 7 years now. The schoolboard finally got their act together and sealed the hole a few months ago. I haven’t seen light since. — E

I was in my dorm at college. Things were getting hot/heavy! A boy was all up on me, touching my body and kissing it a little. Little did I know it was Tours Time, and I was about to take a tour myself.. of Embarrassedville! Some Sneaky HighSchool Seniors snooped around and stumbled upon my and my smooching snog-buddy gettin steamy. Every now and then I still think about it and I think I want to kill myself, how do I kill myself —J

I was typing an e-mail to my boyfriend about how sexy he was and how much fun I had making out with him. When I went to send it, I accidentally sent it to my dad! I was so mortified when he came to my room that night to give a lecture about STDs and Internet safety. My dad also forced me to get a tattoo of a van with the words “good cargo mover” underneath and I am no longer able to work as a bird fighter in china because of their superstitions about machines and the human body.

i finally got up the nerve to chat up a cute guy after school. we were talking and my little brother ran up and asked me what was all over my butt! it turns out i had sat on a wet bench so my seat was damp. i was so embarrassed i ran away with my little brother and live off of garbage and donations from panhandling, moving from place to place so as not to be found and reintegrated into the life that brought me such shame. anything helps — J

I was bra shopping with my mom, and every time I came out of the fitting room, she would put her hand inside the bra and move my boobs around. I saw my crush when my mom was in mid-move! The next day he called me ‘Movermomma. I was horrified! What my crush didn’t know was that my mother and I were the same person, or at least projections of the same damaged sections of his damaged and bleeding brain. At least he had peace in those few days before he died.

I had a big idate, sexiest guy in school, he shows up to my house, and my jaw prosthesis falls off and a a worm crawls onto it and i cant pick i tup, so i went without it, halfway through the conversation he told me a wild fact about trucks and my jaw literally dropped off. Talk about embarrassing!

Beach day.. time to put on my bikini.. but i’m out of ‘pons! Pads only!! raid my padstash hoping to find some tampage — J

okay, big date, hottest guy in school. I reached into my purse for breath mint and my little brother’s pet alligator Dollar bit my finger! I screamed and my date thoughti was crazy!

One day my secret crush and I had to go on a school trip to the zoo and I was so scared! I didn’t know what to say so when he talked to me I pretended not to be able to speak english. I am in a wheelchair so this is pretense is more convincing for me than for most. Anyways we went to see the monkeys at a zoo and there was an embarassing monkey pissing. I was so embarassed ahaha. Because of of my physical disability it takes me as long as two hours to fall asleep at night. I have spasms. Iwwant so badly to masturbate. I want somebody to touch me. I called out for the monkey to touch me. I felt like I was falling through the darkness through the night. A big vortex opened up below me and I was falling screaming through the night forest and the monkey was peeing on me. When I woke up my crush was standing over me zipping his fly up and their were droplets of pee crystallized on my moustache.

I live about 10 minutes away from a nice college campus. After school one day, my friend and I decided to go to dinner up at the campus. We always joke about how we should hit on all the hot guys up there. So, when it was time to park the car, the only spot that was open was next to the sidewalk. The hottest guy I had ever seen was walking on the sidewalk, and while I was parking we had made long eye contact. I knew he was checking me out, so I flashed him a flirty smile. Then I heard a SCREEECH. I was so busy checking him out that I just kept driving and drove up onto the curb. I thought I had a chance with him until he started laughing at me. I was so mortified. And to top it all off, there were other hot guys walking across the street who witnessed it also. It was terrible. I love Rihanna and my favorite color is black! I also think punk rock boys are hot!