Jennifer Government wakes up and immediately sees a large, well dressed man in her room. As soon as she can make out the words SAMWISE BLACKANDDECKER on his corporate badge, she notices that he’s revving an extremely high quality circular saw.

“I see you admiring the craftsmanship of this power tool that I’m holding,” says the man, “so I’m going to give you a taste of what it can do. You’ve fucked with the Avian Syndicate for the last time.”

Laughing maniacally, the crazed corporate assassin lunges at her bed with the saw running at full blast, the razor teeth like sharp metallic corn kernels. Jennifer Government rips off the sheets, exposing her smallish bosom and her delicate white panties. At the last second, she rolls out of the way, like a corn on the cob if it was rolled around somewhere. Jennifer Government plunges her hand under the mattress and deftly extracts a gleaming sai, a traditional Japanese weapon. She repeatedly plunges the well-honed blade into the back of the assassin’s neck, twisting and rending until finally, he stops moving. Blood and spinal fluid drip down the bed like a spilled can of reddish creamed corn.

At that moment, her dog Dog Government lifts his head from a deep slumber and barks compliantly from the other side of the room.

“Damn,” thought Jennifer Government, “I need to get a new watchdog!”

“No fate,” thought the dog.