224 articles Articles posted in Fiction

The Ultimate Father

Brought a girl over to the house, just for ten minutes. Everyone was supposed to be gone and we were grabbing some stuff before we hit the movie. Yet somehow, we turn the corner into my room and there he is: The Ultimate Father, standing in the center of it in nothing but tighty whities and a saint louis cardinals ballcap. Time seemed to slow down as he reached out towards me, jar of medical creme in hand. “This is for your insane ass rash, that was so bad we had to go to the doctor and get prescription ass rash cream for it. Have fun out there kiddo” he said, the words ringing out like a bell. I stumbled, numb, trying to run but my legs betraying me. There was no time. It was too late. “And aren’t you going to introduce me to this sexy young lady?” he said. I began to scream.

Categories: Fiction

Muslims are disgusting lazy savages

Muslims are disgusting lazy savages but lets not forgot that they’re merely a tool being used by the rothschild family and the israeli zionist establishment to weaken europe in much the same way that Sauron used the Orcs to terrorize Middle-Earth.

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YOSPOS posters

[A computer is performing a Turing test on a YOSPOS poster. The YOSPOS poster has a very small penis and is very smelly]

Computer: After repairing some incorrectly installed software on a computer at your workplace, you go to the coffee machine. As you wait for the cup to fill, you look out of the nearby window and notice a man breaking into your vehicle. How do you react?

YOSPOS poster: I go back to my cubicle and fuck my computer and cum in it

Computer: What is the logic. If you do not take action straight away then the man will leave with your Bon Jovi CDs and your folding bike. Are you at all emotionally affected by the man’s theft of your property?

YOSPOS poster: I fuck my computer and cum in it

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introverts vs extroverts

Introverts prefer no vegetables on their pizza. They like pepperoni, beef, and spicy chicken. Meanwhile, extroverts open the empty pizza box and bite by bite take pizza slices out of theyre mouths and assemble the full pizza in the box before handing it to the pizza delivery guy who pays the extrovert before walking backwards to his car and driving away in reverse

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Beyonce litterally owns.

Beyonce litterally owns. GOD she is such an amazing godess. Her and ‘hov are so fucking oerfect, Wen i listen to jay z i realize a real man acquires capital, bitches. Fuck yeah. coca Cola is also amazzzzinggg and so is mcdonalds hamburgers.

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Peter Weller

Hi i’m Peter Weller, the guy behind that mask. I know a lot of you men out there have been eating fruit. But at the same time you’re also horny and want to have sex. Well here’s the thing. You push out the fleshy part of the fruit and you put the sheath in a mattress, and you go to town on it. You fuck the fruit. No kidding

Categories: Fiction

Classic judeo-christian fails

. turning the other cheek. beta manlet much?? it can also be interpreted in a sexual way, leaving you open to the gutteral owns of the swart races. fail.

. thou shalt have no god but me: uhh wow. huge red flag right there. like you needed any more proof after the way he treated his son. this guy is the definition of rape culture

. communion wafers – they ran out of actual body of christ two thousand years ago. look it up

. celibacy. this one actually owns. sorry but its true.

. hell: yeah sure put all my favorite people in one place. big punishment. the devil thinks hes so good at ironic torture but he’s stuck on new sincerity. definite fail for everyone involved in that shitshow

. original sin – a hurr durr i cant nbelieve they found the day zero exploit i told everyone about. time to be mature and shut down the server forever

. crusades: BIG fail. bunch of cucks going to the desert to learn how to fuck boys. i cant even describe how epic this fail was.

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Sex is one big mess

Sex is one big mess of fluids and movements… and its motherfucking glorious. My adivce? Grow up, shower before hand, maybe smoke some ganja if needed, and get ready to hang around the famously bad smelling place known as the ass and maybe eat some of the crap from the hole

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stop using toothpaste

Why are abrasives bad for your teeth?? I thought toothpaste was GOOD!!!!
TO quote carl mencia: dee dee dee! Have you ever not brushed your teeth? No? Notice how yellow your teeth are? Yeahhh, bingo buddy. Yeah buddhy – brak show. Toothpaste is what me and many other very cool cartoon avatar guys call “the silent killer of teeth”

Lol, so true. But what should i do about it?
Stop using it. Simple as that, bueller, lol. Watch adult swim on cartoon network

Amen. Damn good times. but What should I do instead????
Candy. Seriously, live the dream dude, the dream of eating candy for children when you’re still an adult. But don’t take my word for it, heres a graph of my depression

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my small penis

If youre an asshole, everyone will know you have a small penis —– but when im too nice, everyone says, that guys probably a fedora nice guy with a small penis. It seems like no matter what I do, people are going to find out about my small penis.

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