Brought a girl over to the house, just for ten minutes. Everyone was supposed to be gone and we were grabbing some stuff before we hit the movie. Yet somehow, we turn the corner into my room and there he is: The Ultimate Father, standing in the center of it in nothing but tighty whities and a saint louis cardinals ballcap. Time seemed to slow down as he reached out towards me, jar of medical creme in hand. “This is for your insane ass rash, that was so bad we had to go to the doctor and get prescription ass rash cream for it. Have fun out there kiddo” he said, the words ringing out like a bell. I stumbled, numb, trying to run but my legs betraying me. There was no time. It was too late. “And aren’t you going to introduce me to this sexy young lady?” he said. I began to scream.