NFL News, October 3, 2012

The NFL Replacement Referees calling the Broncos-Giants game found themselves again the center of controversy — not from a botched call this time, but the result of an extremely sexy locker room dispute after Denver’s 3-0 trouncing of the New York Giants Monday night.

Jeremy Bucket, Al Johnson and Joe “Boy Milk” Buddheart claim they entered the New York Giants locker room after the game to congratulate the ripped ball handler Peyton Manning on his luscious play and were shocked to find the 36-old splayed out across a bench, “getting the inside of his colon excavated out by his ‘lil bro Eli, the both of them glistening with sweat and just freaking going at it,” Johnson said.

“Boy Milk jumped right in there. That [expletive deleted] was beside himself with horny craving. He just couldn’t stop himself. I swear to God, the guy just ran up and slapped his hog right out on Peyton’s back, and kind of moved it up and down,” Johnson continued.

“I blew my whistle to try to stop them,” added Jeremy Bucket, “Those two epic stallions need to take that back to the privacy of the hotel room, in my professional opinion. But that horn dog Buddheart wasn’t listening. He was already ready and waitin’ to get his hole slopped up next, panting like a dog and scratching himself all over.”

The incident is the source of renewed tension concerning the replacement referees capacity to reach a consensus on Fundamentals of American Football.

Buddheart defended his call later that evening, stating: “I made the call I made. You see two buff studs getting their pork on right in front of you and you try to stop yourself. There’s no way. These are two of the most elite athletes in the world. Sure, Peyton is balding a little bit, but his body is freaking insane. Every little boy dreams of getting their rear end slopped up by two perfectly toned brothers like that. That is football.”

The league has not yet confirmed or denied the disputed call between the replacement referees. A thorough investigation is pending.