AP (New York) – Shares fell again today upon new worries about the emotional state of the duck we are all trying to anger. “The duck looks like he’s getting used to all the abuse,” one trader said, “we need to figure out how to really make it mad. It’s getting resigned to its fate.” Others reported that they were running out of ideas to make the duck angry.

A senior administration official claimed that the president’s new plan to throw little pellets at it from outer space would renew the nation’s leadership in angering the duck.  “We need to anger the duck. Hit it and ruffle the shit out of it. Make it angry and watch it fume. Hose it down and yell at it. We will succeed in our task to upset this fucking duck, so help me God. Our future depends on it. Good night and God bless the United States.”

New worries are also emerging about China’s rumored laser-based system to hold a few pieces of bread just out of the duck’s reach, but Beijing could not be reached for comment.