child support checks

Do I have to accept a child support check covered in literal shit or otherwise if it is made elaborately hard to get? (self.legaladvice)

In the last year, he has stuck the check in an actually bucket of slop, he has stuck it in a zip lock baggie of dog shit, he has taped it to my roof, he has tried to get me to play an elaborate scavenger hunt, he has driven to my son’s elementary school on a day that isn’t his custody day and stuck in my son’s backpack and not told anyone and when I asked him where it was he has said ” guess where?” which lead to an elaborate search of the house and two days of a guessing game (it was well hidden in a tiny pocket in the backpack and my son had no idea his dad even put anything in there, he has buried it in my back yard with my son’s help, he has hand delivered to my HR department at work with “for the bitch” on the envelope, paid me cash in all $1, he has threatened to pay me in change (which he has not done yet), and he has written me 350 different checks for $1 each.


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talking to girls

and then, ah whate could italke with a girl about anyway. she’d be like, i just went to the mall. i’d say , i spend my days reading european novels in translation about the death of the human animal, it’s thoughts in the process of dying. two of them, which i read sequentially, were about roman’s dying, virgial and hadrian, respectivally. ooh let’s go to yogurt land she’d say. erm, did you know that the capitalist system is built upon the corpses of hundreds of millions of dead chinese, indians [dot and fether], languages, and europes own working classes. ooh i love juicy coture she’d ssay. did you know [mameshiba voice] fisheries and coastal reefs are collapsing at a rate not seen since the mesozoic. ahaha i just love listening to music it makes me feel so good, she’d say, turning up kesha. i am unable to act. i am unable to move. the only decision i make on a daily basis is to masturbate, imagining performing “paizuri” on haruhi suzumiya, an anime female. but even that is merely the absurd, pathetic end result of a series of stupid, inane, unknowable events that began 10^(-14) seconds after the big bang began, when quantum mechanics as such came into being. let’s watch the new steve carell movie she’d say


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reading a great book

I’ll be reading a great book, for example Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell, and I’ll just read one of those really great sentences that you reread and reflect on. All of those themes and poignant statements will just come together and I’ll set the book down and go cum in the bathroom.


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I earned the nickname

As soon as 88 tons of 767 hit the tower I was analyzing every smoke plume, every shattered window. I had been training all 12 years of my life on Highlights For Kids to spot the difference between two seemingly identical pictures and I’d be damned if any detail was going to escape my eyes. “Bingo” I said, my voice high due to me being a literal child, “Buildings are fireproof. This was staged.” I said aloud to my ape-like classmates; it was then that I earned the nickname I’d carry throughout the rest of my life: “Huge Faggot”


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still talking about centering bolts

10 fucking years. 3 presidential elections, 1/7th of an expected lifetime, reading about bandsaws and lathes and solder. Durrr my carborundum grit is too strong, guys where how do i talk to a jacobs taper. michael jackson was alive, we talked about centering bolts, he died, youre still talking abotu centering bolts. you should be ashamed of yoruselves


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berlin clubs

the clubs i go to are of the berlin kind, with only unisex toilets, no mirrors anywhere and photography is forbidden. Condoms and fruitslices are free ar the bar. they let you in if you look interesting, and judging by your post ITT, they wouldnt let you in. you are the most basic fag i have ever seen


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Just had sex.

*bursts through the door, hitting the dog with it* What’s up guys. Just had sex. Guess I’m not a wizard haha. That feel when too many tinder matches am I right guys lmao…….. so what movie are we watching *bites loudly into apple* (mouth full of apple) Looks gay


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thing for feet

i was watching To Catch A Predator on a youtube playlist on repeat all weekend and to get around copyright infringement or something the youtuber edited the episodes to play a clip of Chris Hansen saying “He seems to have a thing.. for feet” randomly during the episodes. After 5 or 6 hours of this my wife finally asked if I had a foot fetish. I pretended I didn’t hear her and went outside to water the lawn. It was 930 at night.


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celsius vs fahrenheit

Europe: *hologaram of attractive woman appears* It is twenty and four degrees today. Have a civilized day.

US: *dancing McDonalds man on dedicated weather channel #43* It Will be THUSANDS of degrees today! Wow! *animated chicken nuggets enter from both sides to keep your attention*


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very new atheist

I’m a very new atheist, but I really wanted this movement to be the most gentlemanly thing ever. Like we’re fucking walking down the street in thick bathrobes with our monocles in, teaching people about science, logical thinking, and taking long drags on a pipe in between answering tough questions.


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