I earned the nickname

As soon as 88 tons of 767 hit the tower I was analyzing every smoke plume, every shattered window. I had been training all 12 years of my life on Highlights For Kids to spot the difference between two seemingly identical pictures and I’d be damned if any detail was going to escape my eyes. “Bingo” I said, my voice high due to me being a literal child, “Buildings are fireproof. This was staged.” I said aloud to my ape-like classmates; it was then that I earned the nickname I’d carry throughout the rest of my life: “Huge Faggot”


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still talking about centering bolts

10 fucking years. 3 presidential elections, 1/7th of an expected lifetime, reading about bandsaws and lathes and solder. Durrr my carborundum grit is too strong, guys where how do i talk to a jacobs taper. michael jackson was alive, we talked about centering bolts, he died, youre still talking abotu centering bolts. you should be ashamed of yoruselves


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berlin clubs

the clubs i go to are of the berlin kind, with only unisex toilets, no mirrors anywhere and photography is forbidden. Condoms and fruitslices are free ar the bar. they let you in if you look interesting, and judging by your post ITT, they wouldnt let you in. you are the most basic fag i have ever seen


Categories: Reality  /  Tags:

Just had sex.

*bursts through the door, hitting the dog with it* What’s up guys. Just had sex. Guess I’m not a wizard haha. That feel when too many tinder matches am I right guys lmao…….. so what movie are we watching *bites loudly into apple* (mouth full of apple) Looks gay


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thing for feet

i was watching To Catch A Predator on a youtube playlist on repeat all weekend and to get around copyright infringement or something the youtuber edited the episodes to play a clip of Chris Hansen saying “He seems to have a thing.. for feet” randomly during the episodes. After 5 or 6 hours of this my wife finally asked if I had a foot fetish. I pretended I didn’t hear her and went outside to water the lawn. It was 930 at night.


Categories: Reality  /  Tags:

celsius vs fahrenheit

Europe: *hologaram of attractive woman appears* It is twenty and four degrees today. Have a civilized day.

US: *dancing McDonalds man on dedicated weather channel #43* It Will be THUSANDS of degrees today! Wow! *animated chicken nuggets enter from both sides to keep your attention*


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very new atheist

I’m a very new atheist, but I really wanted this movement to be the most gentlemanly thing ever. Like we’re fucking walking down the street in thick bathrobes with our monocles in, teaching people about science, logical thinking, and taking long drags on a pipe in between answering tough questions.


Categories: Reality  /  Tags:

The Ultimate Father

Brought a girl over to the house, just for ten minutes. Everyone was supposed to be gone and we were grabbing some stuff before we hit the movie. Yet somehow, we turn the corner into my room and there he is: The Ultimate Father, standing in the center of it in nothing but tighty whities and a saint louis cardinals ballcap. Time seemed to slow down as he reached out towards me, jar of medical creme in hand. “This is for your insane ass rash, that was so bad we had to go to the doctor and get prescription ass rash cream for it. Have fun out there kiddo” he said, the words ringing out like a bell. I stumbled, numb, trying to run but my legs betraying me. There was no time. It was too late. “And aren’t you going to introduce me to this sexy young lady?” he said. I began to scream.


Categories: Fiction

creepy clown is BLOWN UP

US student dressed as creepy clown is BLOWN UP after being chased into jungle filled with landmines

A creepy ‘killer clown’ has died after being chased by furious locals before reportedly stepping on a landmine.

The unfortunate man trod on the deadly trap after scaring residents in Samraong in northwestern Cambodia.

Locals chased the clown, which they thought was an ‘evil spirit’, into a nearby jungle and later heard a blast and realised the prankster had stepped on a mine.

Police were called but the man could not be identified as a result of his injuries.

He is believed to be a 25-year-old student who had returned from the US to visit relatives in the south-east Asian country.


Categories: Reality

Egg Club

In high school we had the Egg Club and you had to carry eggs around in your pocket and an innocuous word was chosen at the start of every day like “Sun” or “Book” and if someone said that you had to discretely take one of the eggs out of your pocket and drop it on the floor without anyone noticing that you did it. The winner was the one that was able to drop all of their eggs by the end of the day, so you would try to bait other people into saying whatever the key word was. Also if you were with another member of the Egg Club and someone said the other Key Word then you would try to get up to the other guy and smash his pocket full of eggs and then point to him and laugh and say Eggy Leggy. I think I spent about $500 on eggs that year.


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