195 articles Articles posted in Reality

the juice of Bats and Supes

Basically I was watching the trailer the other night with my girlfriend’s fourteen year old half hispanic son. When it ends he’s just like whatever about it and I’m super stoked.

I close my laptop and I’m trying to get him to feel the juice of Bats and Supes and he doesn’t even make eye contact and just starts dicking around with his phone. So I grab him by the shirt and I say “That Son of a Bitch brought the war to us!” in my best Bats right in his face.

There was a tussle, I thought we were just horsing around but apparently I took it too far. I’m kind of in the dog house but I also feel like I’m kind of in the right because this movie looks amazing and I think most families would enjoy acting out Bats vs Supes. Are kids just not into this stuff anymore?


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cool david grohl story

cool david grohl story: a guy i know got drunk at a bar and met a guy who claimed to be dave grohl. the guy took him back to his house and got in the hottub with him and stroked him off and did gay shit to him claiming it was okay because he was dave grohl. Well he wasn’t dave grohl


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i just want to be one of the guys

New jobs going great, reintegration into society is rough & making a lot of friends but its so painful. Every coworker has Whatsapp, first thing I did after I remember I had it installed was change my pic from Adolf hitler to a “cool” selfie. Think like “The c00L Guy” mixed with a bit of cold seriousness. Lol. Working on fake lahghs on master chief collection lobbies, someone at the kuerig machine will reference the office or colbert vid the next day etc, have to come off genuine ive fucked this up before by looking to jaded. “AaHhaha whats wrong newguy, no sense of humor??? How about i toss a phantom fireworks smokebomb into the upstairs lounge, flushing u all out downstairs into the snackroom where im waiting w a modded M1A socom that accept drum mags lmfao, i will fucking laugh genuinly then. til then its just agonizing ‘ahah’ and chuckles when someone brings up how some qb ive never heard of fumbles a ball. hard to turn the convo into how about ghost in the shell was fromfucking 1995, and look at the world now, I usually get a meme on my whatsapp and I reply w/ “Lel” or ‘lulz where u find this shit ‘ (pretending to not know eveyrhting), lmaooo, etc, every kek killing me inside slowly, like being a MGS4 clone, but instead its a cutcopy of someone from society., i just want to be one of the guys.


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pretty typical christmas

Lmao but really, it was a pretty typical christmas.  tried to do the thing where u get all nostalgic and play all the old games you used to on past christmas breaks. but itd been so long since i last blazed and all the other sh*t going on i just couldnt pull my self up by the boot straps to click a .exe or put a old disc in.  well i could have don that but sold all my old systems + games for scratchoffs lmao.  i did actually loot my junk drawwer in a last ditch attempt to find a smokeable abount for a bowl.  which turned out to be a jellybean sized mass of shake & scratch off flakes (this literally took like an hour).after finding my old bucket bong oin the side yard covered in mold & dirt and hosing the mosquito nest out i got absolutely ripped .  fired up skyrim and spent like 2 hrs trying to find the top of the mountain but holy shit , it was just surreal… til i realized i didnt completely uninstall the nude mod from years ago and was geting pummeled by an ice troll w/ a 2 foot weiner lmao.  3 hrs later im eating breakfast w/ relatives, i cant stop thinking of “top kek” & other memes for some reason, everyone asks what im thinkin about and if i wasnt stonned i prob would have justtried to explain top kek, lel, lulz , unironically,but i was able to stop myself and just say what a great christmas its been.,


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child support checks

Do I have to accept a child support check covered in literal shit or otherwise if it is made elaborately hard to get? (self.legaladvice)

In the last year, he has stuck the check in an actually bucket of slop, he has stuck it in a zip lock baggie of dog shit, he has taped it to my roof, he has tried to get me to play an elaborate scavenger hunt, he has driven to my son’s elementary school on a day that isn’t his custody day and stuck in my son’s backpack and not told anyone and when I asked him where it was he has said ” guess where?” which lead to an elaborate search of the house and two days of a guessing game (it was well hidden in a tiny pocket in the backpack and my son had no idea his dad even put anything in there, he has buried it in my back yard with my son’s help, he has hand delivered to my HR department at work with “for the bitch” on the envelope, paid me cash in all $1, he has threatened to pay me in change (which he has not done yet), and he has written me 350 different checks for $1 each.


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talking to girls

and then, ah whate could italke with a girl about anyway. she’d be like, i just went to the mall. i’d say , i spend my days reading european novels in translation about the death of the human animal, it’s thoughts in the process of dying. two of them, which i read sequentially, were about roman’s dying, virgial and hadrian, respectivally. ooh let’s go to yogurt land she’d say. erm, did you know that the capitalist system is built upon the corpses of hundreds of millions of dead chinese, indians [dot and fether], languages, and europes own working classes. ooh i love juicy coture she’d ssay. did you know [mameshiba voice] fisheries and coastal reefs are collapsing at a rate not seen since the mesozoic. ahaha i just love listening to music it makes me feel so good, she’d say, turning up kesha. i am unable to act. i am unable to move. the only decision i make on a daily basis is to masturbate, imagining performing “paizuri” on haruhi suzumiya, an anime female. but even that is merely the absurd, pathetic end result of a series of stupid, inane, unknowable events that began 10^(-14) seconds after the big bang began, when quantum mechanics as such came into being. let’s watch the new steve carell movie she’d say


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berlin clubs

the clubs i go to are of the berlin kind, with only unisex toilets, no mirrors anywhere and photography is forbidden. Condoms and fruitslices are free ar the bar. they let you in if you look interesting, and judging by your post ITT, they wouldnt let you in. you are the most basic fag i have ever seen


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thing for feet

i was watching To Catch A Predator on a youtube playlist on repeat all weekend and to get around copyright infringement or something the youtuber edited the episodes to play a clip of Chris Hansen saying “He seems to have a thing.. for feet” randomly during the episodes. After 5 or 6 hours of this my wife finally asked if I had a foot fetish. I pretended I didn’t hear her and went outside to water the lawn. It was 930 at night.


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very new atheist

I’m a very new atheist, but I really wanted this movement to be the most gentlemanly thing ever. Like we’re fucking walking down the street in thick bathrobes with our monocles in, teaching people about science, logical thinking, and taking long drags on a pipe in between answering tough questions.


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creepy clown is BLOWN UP

US student dressed as creepy clown is BLOWN UP after being chased into jungle filled with landmines

A creepy ‘killer clown’ has died after being chased by furious locals before reportedly stepping on a landmine.

The unfortunate man trod on the deadly trap after scaring residents in Samraong in northwestern Cambodia.

Locals chased the clown, which they thought was an ‘evil spirit’, into a nearby jungle and later heard a blast and realised the prankster had stepped on a mine.

Police were called but the man could not be identified as a result of his injuries.

He is believed to be a 25-year-old student who had returned from the US to visit relatives in the south-east Asian country.


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