197 articles Articles posted in Reality

very new atheist

I’m a very new atheist, but I really wanted this movement to be the most gentlemanly thing ever. Like we’re fucking walking down the street in thick bathrobes with our monocles in, teaching people about science, logical thinking, and taking long drags on a pipe in between answering tough questions.

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creepy clown is BLOWN UP

US student dressed as creepy clown is BLOWN UP after being chased into jungle filled with landmines

A creepy ‘killer clown’ has died after being chased by furious locals before reportedly stepping on a landmine.

The unfortunate man trod on the deadly trap after scaring residents in Samraong in northwestern Cambodia.

Locals chased the clown, which they thought was an ‘evil spirit’, into a nearby jungle and later heard a blast and realised the prankster had stepped on a mine.

Police were called but the man could not be identified as a result of his injuries.

He is believed to be a 25-year-old student who had returned from the US to visit relatives in the south-east Asian country.

Categories: Reality

Egg Club

In high school we had the Egg Club and you had to carry eggs around in your pocket and an innocuous word was chosen at the start of every day like “Sun” or “Book” and if someone said that you had to discretely take one of the eggs out of your pocket and drop it on the floor without anyone noticing that you did it. The winner was the one that was able to drop all of their eggs by the end of the day, so you would try to bait other people into saying whatever the key word was. Also if you were with another member of the Egg Club and someone said the other Key Word then you would try to get up to the other guy and smash his pocket full of eggs and then point to him and laugh and say Eggy Leggy. I think I spent about $500 on eggs that year.

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where’s the beef?

Third date, he’s making me dinner at his place, I get there, it’s the same shirt. Two weeks have gone by since the first date, I ask him if it’s a running joke, or was it just coincidence. He shows me his closet. Every. Single. Shirt. Every single one is that red “Where’s the Beef?” with yellow writing. He opens a drawer, even more of them, exactly the same. He says the ones in the drawer are a size bigger, for ‘around the house’ and ‘sleeping in’. He has a LOT of them. Probably about 20, I’m not sure. I asked why, he said he just really likes that shirt.

Categories: Reality

celebrity sex list

You guys might be familiar with the concept. But my boyfriend wanted us to each make a celebrity sex list. In it, we could place any 5 celebrities we wanted, and if the opportunity ever came up, we could sleep with that person with impunity.
I said haha, but no thanks.

Well, he made the list anyway. And now I am extra annoyed. See, we both work for a PR firm in LA (that’s actually how we met), and all five women on his list were clients with our company.

Categories: Reality

the living embodiment of randomness

Tonight, after wiling out something fierce on Final Fantasy VI, I decided it was high time for me to head over to my friend David’s apartment to see what was going down in the world of potsmoke and Comedy Central. David, Brad, and most of their friends really really love me, for some reason I can’t explain. They have come to see me as the living embodiment of randomness, crazy dances, and general tomfoolery. Whether I’m drinking or not, I tend to bring my best to them. 

Categories: Reality

insider trading

How much trouble could we get in if I gave my cousin information about a stock from where I work? (self.legaladvice)
submitted 10 days ago by possibletroublethrow

I know there are laws against insider trading and I didn’t want to get in trouble for anything. So I gave my cousin the information I knew about my company stock. Now apparently there is an investigation because someone got suspicious and my cousin (with the same uncommon last name as me) has never bought stocks before so it looks weird. He did make some money from it and gave me 2/3 of it.
Location: New York

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street dealer

one time i was smoking weed with a street dealer in a little cosy spot in an alley, and cops rolled up to us cause some dude in an office building had spotted us smoking there daily and been calling them over and over. they did the standard ‘confiscating the weed’ and then cuffed the black guy and told him he was arrested. i wasnt arrested, but the dude searched me and opened up my wallet – finding a bunch of various class A drugs in there. speed, ketamine, mdma, etc. the dude then proceeded to ask me if the black guy had just sold them to me (he hadnt), and when I denied this he told me I didn’t have to protect him, and dragged the dude off into a cop car never to be seen again. i wasn’t even given a warning. the dude hadnt even sold me the weed. i was giving him weed.

Categories: Reality

husband is especially fond of ducks

So my husband LOVES birds, all kinds of birds. He thinks they are great. He is especially fond of ducks. Last night while he was in the kitchen prepping a snack, I thought it would be fun to change the desktop photo on his laptop (he had left it open on the couch). I found a cute duck picture, made it his desktop background, set the laptop back on the couch, and made my way innocently back to the kitchen table where I had also been having a snack.

My husband finishes his snack a little while later and heads back to the couch while I remain at the table. He pulls his computer towards him and goes, “OMG honey look! Ducks!” As he stands up holding his laptop and tries to come to me, he trips and falls over the glass end table we have, shattering it. If that wasn’t bad enough, he fell onto his macbook, smashing it completely open and crushing it. If that also wasn’t bad enough, he also broke his wrist because of how he fell on it since he was holding the laptop.

I feel like a terrible person, but my husband still loves ducks.

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sims wife

My (34M) wife (31F) makes Sims of women I know and “kills” them off (self.relationships)

…The sim was stuck in a room where the door had been removed, a popular method for when people want to “kill” a sim off. Then I saw the name and saw that it was one of my coworkers’ names. I looked at the other sims in the household and found 4 other coworkers names, all women. There was an urn in the living room (this means a sim that has already been killed) with a 5th woman’s name.

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