6 articles Tag Christmas

pretty typical christmas

Lmao but really, it was a pretty typical christmas.  tried to do the thing where u get all nostalgic and play all the old games you used to on past christmas breaks. but itd been so long since i last blazed and all the other sh*t going on i just couldnt pull my self up by the boot straps to click a .exe or put a old disc in.  well i could have don that but sold all my old systems + games for scratchoffs lmao.  i did actually loot my junk drawwer in a last ditch attempt to find a smokeable abount for a bowl.  which turned out to be a jellybean sized mass of shake & scratch off flakes (this literally took like an hour).after finding my old bucket bong oin the side yard covered in mold & dirt and hosing the mosquito nest out i got absolutely ripped .  fired up skyrim and spent like 2 hrs trying to find the top of the mountain but holy shit , it was just surreal… til i realized i didnt completely uninstall the nude mod from years ago and was geting pummeled by an ice troll w/ a 2 foot weiner lmao.  3 hrs later im eating breakfast w/ relatives, i cant stop thinking of “top kek” & other memes for some reason, everyone asks what im thinkin about and if i wasnt stonned i prob would have justtried to explain top kek, lel, lulz , unironically,but i was able to stop myself and just say what a great christmas its been.,


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a stained fleece with “fag” written in bleach

For years, my brother has been lording the fact that he makes more money than I do over me and constantly says, even in front of my art-school graduate father, how worthless my degree will be. It’s as if the concept of me not caring how much money I make so long as I’m doing what I love is completely alien to him.

I’ve been really trying to mend bridges with him for the past year and I decided I would go out and splurge a little bit on the christmas presents. I’ve never had much money so I made my family artwork this christmas, but in addition to that, I got my brother a nice and warm $80 jacket that he needed as well as the swiss army knife that he’s been dropping hints at for months. He gave me a stained fleece that he wrote “fag” in bleach on and a key chain that he got free from work.

After the present opening, his girlfriend comes up to me and says that I shouldn’t use the key chain as a key chain. Apparently the one he gave her months before shattered after she tried to put some keys on it and cut her hand.


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burlap sack full of animal shit

So goons, I guess this year my aunt and uncle though it would be “funny” to drag in a big burlap sack full of animal shit, and write my name on it, and dress it up like me “Thats you” they said in front of my Entire. loving. Family. Everyone started pissing onto the sack and laughing at the burlap sack as well, and I didnt even ask for any of this (asked for Xbox Kinect!!! )


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Bacon phase

I had a “Bacon” phase for about a year. This was before Reddit’s “epic bacon” meme, or at least long before I ever heard about it. This wasn’t some attempt to be cool, I just found a love for J&D’s bacon seasonings (Bacon Salt + Baconaise) and the taste in general in and on food. Cue the plethora of bacon fads springing up. I was nearing the end of that phase at that point, but started getting the products that followed on Xmas and my birthday. Bacon lip blam, chocolate, t-shirts and soap were all things I didn’t want, wouldn’t use, and were terrible in general. I got the soap from two separate people. Apparently when people thought of what to get me, they thought of bacon.

I tried to act grateful over the past couple years, but this year I got bacon flavored candy canes in my stocking and I finally just had to make a declaration that bacon isn’t what I’m interested anymore, so please stop giving me it.


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fam xmas table

Uncle at fam xmas table : *drops fork* whoops
me: “Fuuuuuuuudge” hahahaha
fam: Lol thats some good shit for sure
maynard james keenan: im glad you invited me to your xmas, this is some good shit all around, i will now read sections of the lateralus libretto for your fam


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I GET MIGRAINES! FROM SCENTS!!!!

From my best friend of 3 years who I shared all my secrets with (we were 23-25 or so at the time), I received a desk set dictionary/thesaurus, a pair of ugly earrings, and a basket of scented bath stuff.

1. I bought the SAME SET through our work supply catalog FOR WORK… if I wanted a personal set I could have ordered one. SHE could have ordered it through work and gotten it free. WTF?

2. She knew the problems I had with my pierced ears and how they were unevenly aligned and I just gave up and let them close up. In addition, the type of closure would never, ever work with the misaligned holes I had even if they hadn’t closed up. She knew this, she was with me when I was lusting over sapphire earrings and WHY I wouldn’t buy them, because I couldn’t get them in. WTF?

3. I get migraines from scents. I get migraines from scents. I GET MIGRAINES! FROM SCENTS!!!!

It was the most depressing and disappointing Xmas. I’d gotten her chocolates made with her favorite wine, and some other personalized bullshit.

I hate receiving presents because it’s always so disappointing. Nothing horrifically hurtful like what she did there, but in general I get cheap, ugly things that have no bearing on my life or interests. I’m old enough to buy what I want, when I want it. I don’t need “gifts.”


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