23 articles Tag Dinosaur Jerk

talking to girls

and then, ah whate could italke with a girl about anyway. she’d be like, i just went to the mall. i’d say , i spend my days reading european novels in translation about the death of the human animal, it’s thoughts in the process of dying. two of them, which i read sequentially, were about roman’s dying, virgial and hadrian, respectivally. ooh let’s go to yogurt land she’d say. erm, did you know that the capitalist system is built upon the corpses of hundreds of millions of dead chinese, indians [dot and fether], languages, and europes own working classes. ooh i love juicy coture she’d ssay. did you know [mameshiba voice] fisheries and coastal reefs are collapsing at a rate not seen since the mesozoic. ahaha i just love listening to music it makes me feel so good, she’d say, turning up kesha. i am unable to act. i am unable to move. the only decision i make on a daily basis is to masturbate, imagining performing “paizuri” on haruhi suzumiya, an anime female. but even that is merely the absurd, pathetic end result of a series of stupid, inane, unknowable events that began 10^(-14) seconds after the big bang began, when quantum mechanics as such came into being. let’s watch the new steve carell movie she’d say


Categories: Reality  /  Tags:

i’m actually using tech to solve the issue’s of today 

[mysterious loyall X walks into a room full of shit heads wearing the v for vendetta head and saying anime crap and playing smash, and i'm dangling a chome bag from mah bellah and a fat gross hmong woman is bY my side] oKAY every. FIRSt things first. i’m actually using tech to solve the issue’s of today , whihc is why i have this sick ass bag with a seat belt on my chest[pointing to the german egale sphinx belt buckle on my dippy ass bag full of aoli sauce or whatever] aND a huge fat hmong wife who looks like a pug dog and talks like the martians from mars attacks and who won’t have sex with me until sh e finishes her mba from prestigious golden gate university night program for working adults.


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being approached by strangers

i definitely want to be approached by someone in a public space in los angeles or san francisco. this probably won’t be a tedious interaction with a nutjob crying sadbrain marxist, guy from calpirg telling me to buy organic and save the planet, free sample of the ramayana or whatever only it’s just a sample it really costs 30 dollars, wants my pocket change to get beack to berkeley because he or she can’t walk the mile from the asby bart back to downtown berkeley. this person probalby doesn’t smell like a garbage pail. this person probably isn’t going to stab me, rifle through my pockets, and take my crumpled up tea bag from trader joe’s brand tea and a couple quarters. this person isn’t probably going to interupt my few blessed seconds on silence away from the constant onslaught of abject, depressing stupidity which is constantly beamed at and solely directed at me by a malicious, malevolent god and his obese, perverse, and sadistic minions (other people). this complete stranger approaching me in a public space in the cities of los angeles or san francisco will probably lead to a life long friendship.


Categories: Reality  /  Tags:

it’s been so hot lately

it’s been so hot lately, on account of the collapse of the holocene climatic regime that is going to result in a mass extinction in whicn humans as well as 1,000s of other genera of spieicies now alive will be wiped out, that i’ve just been staying inside riding the excercise bike instead of waking up at 6 am or w/e to ride my real bike. it probably needs some chain lubricant. my handle bar tape is in prime condition tho. even at 6 am there’s also no garuntee that i won’t be run over by a shermed out moon cricket, it’s a real problem.


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so sick of 3-d bitches

hell, i’m so sick of 3-d bitches and their menstrual bullshite. next time someone asks me “if i’m seeing someone” i’ll say ch’yeh, i have a hot date tonight with Inu’s classic hentai tankobon “Hatsu Inu” now available uncensored and in English from amazon dot com! If you don’t like I’ve got two words for you: Let’s get ready to suck it!


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i’ve stopped drinking.

i thot this would save me money and help me loose weight. it has helped me loose weight, but i have to judge by the loosness of my pants whihch used to be too tight, since my scale is completely out of whack [i weigh anythinf from 165-189 lbs . ok?] this hasn’t ssaved me any money tho because i’m a hunchbacked, beetlebrowed, knocked kneed wierdo with pellagra, hallitois, a club foot, cleft palate, deviated septum, walleyed, permanent allergic conjunctivitis that causes a steady white stream to flow from my lacrimal glands and nose, covered in cattarhs, and i ‘ve spent all the money i would have saved on little anime dolls you can undress, then skulking around the house finding nooks and crannies granny can’t find them in haha


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one day i was just sitting around

one day i was just sitting around when this hot babe came up to me. damn this goirl was fine as hell. she was half japanese, half swedish, so she had BIG titties probably w/ pink nips instead of those weird brown ones you see in j-porn even on the real mily silky smooth ones, and a cool kind of face instead of a gross super square chinky one, because of the good aryan genese. “hajimemashite lyle” she said to me. “damn your sullen disposition, mighty shoulder hunch, sagging man boobs, and piles of stupid eastern european brendle books you’ve never read except for the synopsis on wikipedia is making me wet in le manko with the dirty desire for unleasing some crotchspawn. your bad breath and blood shot eyes and gross ass greasy curly hair w/ like a baby praying mantis in it is making my huge japo-germanic boobs heave with anticipation. your inroty levels are directly proportional for my horney lelvels lol. pplease ravis me now right here in griffith park or wahtever appropriate los anels location des yo ne” theen i said look here toots. ii have to keep posting in the pink forum and embed utube of reymon14 – the slide and get some cool empty quaters form my good friends manyak, nene., blep , young homer, and possibly others. aand i’ve got to play some dumbass shmups on my computer. and i’ve got to type these terrileb fakeposts that just keep going and going. haha, that’s called self deprication humour . why don’t you read a bok idiot. now deteke you bapid slore i’m trying to game lmap


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the hottest girl i’ve ever had sex with

the hottest girl i’ve ever had sex with is no one. i’m a 35 year old virgin. i look sort of like slavoj zizek. today i realized that the picture of slavoj zizek getting married in the white linen suite or whatever and a black tshirt, well, i have the same hair basically. i also smell bad. my krause’s corpuscles are ruined because of decades of masturbation. even though my hands are basically useless, uncallused, soft, weak girl hands, they have still ruined my pecker by the violent rhythemtic stragulation i apply to my penis at least 4 times per diem in order to feel some sort of emotional connection, however desultory, pathetic, and abusrud, to a printout of an anime woman i keep in my wallet.


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people were really stupid back then

in the past you had a beard, and you stood around listing shps, or possibly walls, and who build the walls and why. people were really stupid back then, and thought beards Signified in a special french way, and walls were magical? because everyone was arab and lived in a swamp. and people would listen to you, with their arab swamp stink, because you knew the secret of te wall, and had a beard. also you probably had a gay lute, made out of Cats. but Capitalism has changed all that. now you have to pay exhorbitant sums to remove your beard, because they no longer SSignify, but also walls are no longer magical things people sing gay songs about in various forms of verse. most people understand walls and their construction, in fact if you think about it you might even say, wwe have wall–aournd our souls. it’s pretty heavey to think about, much like the first song off classic 1999 album “the soft bulletein” from the flaming lips. yours –lyle


Categories: Reality  /  Tags:

something to think about

what if in an alternate universe “donuts” and “go nuts” and converged phonetically such that by the year 800 ad they were acoustically indistinguisable, and so 200 year later at battle of hastings king harold II said “go nuts [on those normans]” the anglo saxons began insanely and brutally throwing donuts at the norman army, clogging their armour with greasy, sticky sweetened breads.  something to think about maybe?


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