23 articles Tag Dinosaur Jerk

normal cool dude here

Completely normal cool dude here. Just a regular normal cool guy who lives in a lower echolon neighborhood of Forbes’s “Top 50 Upcoming Urban Neighborhoods of the New Urbanism” in the USA here. Good mix of gay men and Asians from the various local software companies, biotech industries, hospitals, banks, and so forth up in this bitch. Usually I go see them doing totes regular things like walking, kickin’ back watching the game, but sometimes pretty wild stuff like scoping out the latest Muse gig down at the local venue. Oftentimes I’m doing extremely normal shit like being the head coach of my daughter’s junior volley ball team at the local high school. We take shit seriously, which is good, but sometimes I give them a playful slap on the ass, and other such absurdly regular, in a social–and not bowel–sense. Other incredibly average shit I do is purchase every iteration of the Apple brand Iphone. I’m what you might call a “One trhough Fiver,” which is how we (my co-workers and our various significant others) refer to each other at the local gastropub, where we enjoy the best organic steak fries cooked in local duck fat you’ve ever had, along with a delicious Stone – India Pale Ale or two.


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unbox your iphone 5

unbox your iphone 5 like your a normal dude, hey just posting a utub of myslef taking this sweet 599 dollar phone out of its box. yeah, whatever, i’m in the silicon valley of austin. ausstin is pretty ftw. basically all the extremely cool shit of a normal silicon valley sans the mexicans from east palo alto because this is the burbs of austiin baby. keep austin weird. love sxsw, shit like that, programming from home coding sw8 twoer defense java apps w/ pay to win units etc. basically, we’re revolutionizing the market saving capitalisma nd promoting green energy w/ our games. but the onec you get the iphone 5 msrp 6969 dollars out of the box you scream PLEASURE KEVIN maybe w/ the leroy jenkins shout intonation, and people watching the utub will be like, wtf.


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im a grotesque abomination

im a grotesque abomination, skulking cautiously through the world, desperately praying to be left alone by other people while in public, smelling like gasoline and old bread, dressed in rags from head to toe, filthy and greasy with a filthy, greasy dick, heaving my girth around awkwardly, my eyes dart here and there, hypervigilant, avoiding direct eye contact, carrying a mountain of books around in a bindle, my sisyphus rock, drinking alcohol until everything blurs and i collapse into a literal pile of garbage, wholly inanimate, save the leaking piss from my limp, wrinkled, useless dick.


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communist party threadless t

communist party threadless t, nudies [50 percent goon discount], onitsuka tigers mexico 66, calven klein pink briefs, big thick white socks form target, miley cyrus hat from walmart, thrifted organic fair tread twine, 50 of those silly bands little kids play w/ [1 hippo, 1 rhino, 10 dogs, 3 horses, rest are assorted lizards], 1 dollar plastic sun glasses w/ neo green fraes that actually cost 3 dollars at the dollar general, fine covering of dust, BO and bean scent, 3 keffiyahs, 2 “danchou” [only in kanji natch] red and black armbands that haruhi wears [one on each arm], some kind of small mammal in hair [likely rodent, langaroo mouse, vole?, stoat???], pockets full of oats [going into homebrew kit once they're reached proper temp], lots of manga in a sort of bindle but the titles havae been replaced with “marx” and “mao” and “vilerat ftw RIP home diggy”, 3 awesome face pins attached to artificial diesel lapel [threadless tees don't have proper lapels, 'natch], complete discography of neutral milk hotel dangling from the twine, one plastic plate, one omplette w/ pickle inside on the plate, 2 milkshakes precariously stacked one one top of the other [no straws, straws are for fucking children, this is daycrew motherfucker], iphone 5 in back pocket w/ kirino app from oreimo and she’s saying “mou” really loudly, everyone can hear it saying “mou” and all the fucktards at the westfield san francisco are totes confused


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i say who are these idiots.

i say who are these idiots. how did i ever form a brief, stupid, ultimately impoersonal bond with such fat, stupid, dpressing, ugly people. people who are as or perhaps more fat, stupid, depressing and ugly than my own intenelsy aforesaid same.


Categories: Reality  /  Tags:

my husband keeps pecking the groud

my husband keeps pecking the groud looking for seeds, insects, and worms. he eats pebbles in order to aid digestion! he has the ability to use rudimentary tools and recognize faces from over a kilometer away thanks to his acute vision! he keeps cawing and cawing and won’t stfu at night!


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oh hurr, time to have a small but equally miserable version of myself

oh hurr, time to have a small but equally miserable version of myself, even assumiing i could defeat 34 years of shame, virginity, le ’tism, and a microsopitic phizzmoto schlong to impregnate a girl and then she bears my crotchspawnling to term. help me build a playhouse dad. play catch with me dad. stop the inevitable reproduction of the cultural and material conditions in a pointless death race toward the never ending growth limit that’s going to kill everything dad. make it so i’m ont completely atomized alienated and only to related to other so-called humans in terms of dollars/yuan/euros dad. sorry kid, all i can do is m-bate to hentai manga and play shmups. got a letter “b” score in battle garegga. that may sound weird to you now but trust me its really impressive.


Categories: Reality  /  Tags:

tedious mouth breathing

one time i made eye contact with a girl and she said, You are the utmost height of repulsive stupidity. Merely by looking at you I am enervated, attenuated, and annihilated. I have to liten to your tedious mouth breathing, and I am forced to contemplate immediate suicide. If your tedious mouth breathing were a nation, its number of suicides would perhaps only be exceeded by that of Lithuania.


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an endless loop of production and consumption

the value judgment of technological progress being superior to agrarian harmony is a strictly western mentality that exists solely to justify the west’s exploitation of such societies and their theft of the natural resources these societies depend upon. however, western society has not used their advancing technology to produce more leisure time, but rather to create an endless loop of production and consumption, the strain of which leads to these so called advanced people living with a much higher stress rate than those who devote themselves to sustainable farming village lifestyles. also these advanced societies are completely unsustainable and will eventually falter and starve when the excess of the planet runs out, cf malthus, and it will be those with the knowledge and tradition of basic harmonious survival who will fare best.


Categories: Reality  /  Tags:

my ideal woman is a parasitic jew vampire

my ideal woman is a parasitic jew vampire who like the oligarchs i work for in perpetual wage serfdom will suck my worthless monopoly capital and lifesblood from me in exchange for her boring emotionally dead WASP body and as our youths fade with our various sacs limbs extremities, and other assorited body chunks congeal and harden into callous or sag and rot away as is their own particular wont while we spend our “free” or “pleasure” time in mute dumb silence like cows grazing and stupidly staring at whatever gay spectacle of corn appears before us


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