5 articles Tag animal drums

weird hangups about sexuality

look, i mean, western civilization has a lot of weird hangups about sexuality. The people of this land just have these childish notions about sex and love, like from the bible and from disney movies, it’s just crap from a hallmark card man. You just have to watch planet earth in glorious 1080p, maybe read a few wikipedia articles, watch the discovery channel in glorious 1080p, and you’ll be amazed at the freedom from society that you’ll feel.


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Dirk Knifesteel

Dirk Knifesteel graduated at the top of his class in swashbucking assassin school, but even so he had always been something of an outsider. but now LaserDetroit, an old timey 1920s version of detroit, but in the future, was under attack, and the people who had made fun of dirk during school were going to realize just how much he had learned about being an assassin.

Bathaniel Razorthorn gripped the handle of his sniper rifle as tight as he could, and lowered his eye to the scope, confident that it would allow him to “zoom in”, making his enemy seem closer.

As he crawled out of the mouth of the cave into an alien planet version of new york city, Duskin Rifleshot could feel that something wasn’t right. he got up and looked around, there were a bunch of strange buildings, like, alien food stores and stuff, but they weren’t a big deal to him. He looked down at his own outfit, which had 3 bandoliers full of laser cartridges, a leather vest, camo cargo pants and sick converse hi tops.

Mesmerelda Starshine looked out over the combat training yard as she adjusted her holographic brassiere straps in an attempt to rein in her sexy womans boobs. She could see all the men in training, strong and robust boys with aggressive attitudes and sleek, toned muscles. Their sexual hotness almost rivaled her own, but she had no interest in such men. She called for her servant Alaester Blade-Sniper, a meek man of soft features and extremely long and greasy hair. he wore a black robe with flaming swirls of fire embroidered around the edges. This was the man who she knew was the real sexual dynamo, just waiting to be unlocked by her sultry advances.

Phoenix was an assassin, maybe one of the best assassins in the galactic quadrant, and not just good for a black girl, but good for anyone. For example, the first thing people usually noticed about her was that she was a highly skilled, ebon-skinned sexy assassin. She kept this in mind as she stepped silent as a dark shadow into the room of the outer space slave lord who she was hired to assassinate. her legs were like two long straight spindles of ebony, her arms like two thin sticks of ebony with tin foil on the ends of them.

The big neon wine bottle sign came into view as the hover-cab rounded the corner of 8,000th and Hyper-Broadway. The big neon sign always made him want to drink some wine, which was good because it was placed right above a futuristic wine bar. In fact it was the sign for that very bar. “pull the cab over here, but keep it hovering” said Trix Booberry. “I’ll just be a couple of Astro-minutes.”


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Hot Dog: Bachelor Style

step one, you have to totally not give a fuck.

then you get out the hot dog and you cook that bad boy up in the pan.

you put it in the hot dog bun, but first you gotta put some sriracha up in this bitch.

you can use a slice of bread if you don’t have a hot dog bun. bachelor life mothafuckas.

and now for the final step. lets top this bitch. i like a little nacho cheese and bacon bits.

serve with a big six pack of beer and motherfucking breaking bad on netflix.


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m4w, i saw u at the starbucks

m4w, i saw u at the starbucks, u had ur phone out and i had a convex back, i was the guy wearing the kind of pants that guys wear when theyre on really tall stilts, you sort of tripped on them and spilled your coffee, but was that all it was? pls email me

m4w we were married for seven years and i forgot your number and none of your relatives will answer my calls because i ended our marriage thru paperwork espionage + stealth moves i learned off tom clancy video games, but it turns out u still have all my priceless 1990s old school mtv show dvds w/o the orig music edited out. will xpost this to all other counties of north carolina because i forgot where you moved

You were holding a duck wing and I was standing near a small patch of tall grass that was white on bottom and yellow green on the top . you were so happy. i didn’t say anything because i’m shy. you were a dog

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i took my first tentative bite of the ranch wrap

i went back to the table and i took my first tentative bite of the ranch wrap, checking in my peripherals to make sure i had the attention of at least one witness. the crispy chicken cut into the roof of my mouth and i cried out in pain, i turned to my family for support only to find that they had been replaced with perpetrators 1 and 3 and a mango mcflurry. i scanned the restaurant frantically for perpetrator number two but i knew somehow that he was already long gone, and my family and my mcchicken with him.


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