12 articles Tag Haoma

Sloppy Sandra

Sloppy Sandra goes into a bar and walks up to mexican. “No!” she says, because his cock is wimpy and hes poor. Sloppy Sandra walks up to a Jew. “No!” she says, because he poisons the world with his schemes. Sloppy Sandra walks up to a Black. “No!” she says, because hes black. Sloppy Sandra walks up to a White. “Ok.” she says. Then they have sex and get married and raise a wholesome family and buy tons of gadgets.


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The Scissorman

The Scissorman sliced and diced Bartleby’s flashy Osprey-brand hiking pack, spilling out its contents like a torrent of brand new video games from a busted box off of a ladder.

“Nooooooooo!” James shouted calmly.

“The computer, James,” Bartleby cried out, “the computer,” he repeated, “its inside the Osprey-brand backpack,” he clarified diligently.

The Scissorman didn’t give a rats ass about home networks. It wanted to cut us into ribbons.

James slid towards the computer which had spilled out of the backpack but had a hard case and didn’t break. An expensive case. A scissor-proof case. IF only they made clothes like computers.

The Scissorman struck at Barteby’s face and neck. A direct hit! Bartleby was scratched to holy hell. But not dead. Not yet. Later, maybe. If James didn’t hurry up with the computer.

The computer booted up. Linux loaded.

The Scissorman turned to James.

“Quick, James. Activate the home security network. You’ll have to connect to our router.”

THe Scissorman tried to dice the computer, but was unsuccessful. Christ, it was dangerous.

James clicked on several icons, and connected to the home’s wi-fi.

Bartleby dove towards the Scissorman, knocking him into a bean bag. Anyone remember bean bags? From the 1990s? Yeah, we had 16 of them. Bean Sea James would call it , comeing home from fixing Xfinity dishes in the evenings.

James did it! He activated the security.

“GOod thing this was not a windows computer. We’d still be booting up~!” James screamed at the top of his lungs triumphantly, as the home’s security network activated and an intense burst of daemon killing rounds fired at the Scissorman from a gun that looked like a camera in the hallway, defeating him.


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A Jew walks into the blades of a wheat harvester

A Jew walks into the blades of a wheat harvester and is chopped to pieces. A lengthy and thorough investigation takes place. The investigators take samples and test them in labs, and also try to identify the deceased. After a long time, its concluded that it was actually just an immigrant. After all, Jews never get near the crude scene of production itself, choosing instead to wield their nefarious powers over the market from behind the scenes like evil puppeteers.


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Squirting night at pornhub

Its cool. instead of having any kind of connection with the food i consume, ie the physical emotional investment in its harvest or hunt, I pay for a faceless corporation to support an anonymous supervisor in another hemisphere to manage a subsidied farm and the hellish network of transportation and refridgeration required to bring me things i am conditioned to desire by the Jews while minorities starve and use their kids as slaves because they cant compete in production. I stare at that tight little checkout bitches tits and have already decided tonight is going to be an Squirting night at pornhub.


Categories: Reality  /  Tags:

african villages

african villages are like your base in RTS games at the beginning

harvestign gems, spawning repuslive creatures good only to die in wars


Categories: Reality  /  Tags:

The Twisty Saga

[Twisty is pictured kind of stumbling around in an open field with a pack of dogs] *Movie trailer voice guy speaks* 

This Holiday Season…

[Twisty looks at a deer, or is it a loaf of bread in a bakery? Is this guy retarded?]

Twisty: “My time as a virgin is over.”

He dared do the impossible…

[A frog-faced, flat-assed asian teenager walks into the bakery he works at and orders some bread]

Twisty [talking to himself]: There is Cowboy Bebop. And Princess Mononoke. And what else? Oh. The Gameboy Advance. And Black Bible Saga. And the Sega Genesis. No… NOT the Sega Genesis.

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Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

Judge Boner Dad Abuser

Lol im imagining a sweet court scene here. It is a stadium packed with Goons and Republicans.. Fox News is here. Aerosmith opens. Judge Boner Dad Abuser presides. He slams a wooden belt to begin the proceedings.

“Retarded ANiME ROM furry dragon porn lover girl idiot, you are being charged with getting your useless bitch computer-using ass beat like half a decade ago by YOURS TRULY, how do you please?”

“GUILTY OF NOT HAVING ACCESS TO A MERCEDES!”

A goon lawyer pipes in (he was referenced by forums user DopeBong9000) “I object Your Honor!” “This is a farce. I call to the stand Bisexual Dragon Raper Guy”

“I will allow this, as it destroys the credibility of my stupid retarded Anime daughters case”

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Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

i had killed a dog by method of strangulation

once i was coming back to my mud hut late at night (it was night time) and a dog attacked my with his sharp teeth. the teeth wanted to slice and dice my arms and maybe torso, that is to say the dog who controlled these teeth had this murderous intention, and also the dog barked several times in a really dangerous way. to make a long story short, when the dog lunged towards me, teeth first, i swung my crabarm out in a circle, to specify, that is my left arm, actually my whole body did a 360 degree spin with my crabarm acting like a hammer, or i guess it was more like what happens in a washing machine. anyways, to sum it up, the dog was instantly knocked way the fuck down on the ground. i thought to myself “its fairly fucking possible that dog just stands right back up and fires its teeth at me again, possibly even at my torso (which was unprotected)” so i fired my knees at the ground next to the dog. when my knees made contact, i grabbed the dog by his throat and squeezed out the life in him before his teeth could tear me up. he coughed, and wheezed, and i think was not breathing right due to my strangling actions, and finally, perished. he looked me in the eyes for a brief instant, as if asking “why are you currently strangling me?” to answer, i just looked down at his teeth, and back in his eyes, as if to say “to protect myself from your teeth.” at that moment, there was a deep understanding between us. i buried the dog on top of a pile of garbage and lit the dog+garbage on fire with a piece of fire.

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Categories: Reality  /  Tags:

a girls vagania is so fukking complex

a girls vagania is so fukking complex. one time i told my ex-gf to just lay down and read a magazine and i picked at that motherfucker for over 43 minutes , using a pair of tweezers and a toungue depressor i had stashed in my medical briefcase. i can honestly say after 43 minutes i didnt know anything more about that Labrynth of Gross Shit than i did when i started.


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

Trio of NFL Replacement Refs Embroiled in an Extremely Sexy Dispute

NFL News, October 3, 2012

The NFL Replacement Referees calling the Broncos-Giants game found themselves again the center of controversy — not from a botched call this time, but the result of an extremely sexy locker room dispute after Denver’s 3-0 trouncing of the New York Giants Monday night.

Jeremy Bucket, Al Johnson and Joe “Boy Milk” Buddheart claim they entered the New York Giants locker room after the game to congratulate the ripped ball handler Peyton Manning on his luscious play and were shocked to find the 36-old splayed out across a bench, “getting the inside of his colon excavated out by his ‘lil bro Eli, the both of them glistening with sweat and just freaking going at it,” Johnson said.

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