22 articles Tag Reddit

the juice of Bats and Supes

Basically I was watching the trailer the other night with my girlfriend’s fourteen year old half hispanic son. When it ends he’s just like whatever about it and I’m super stoked.

I close my laptop and I’m trying to get him to feel the juice of Bats and Supes and he doesn’t even make eye contact and just starts dicking around with his phone. So I grab him by the shirt and I say “That Son of a Bitch brought the war to us!” in my best Bats right in his face.

There was a tussle, I thought we were just horsing around but apparently I took it too far. I’m kind of in the dog house but I also feel like I’m kind of in the right because this movie looks amazing and I think most families would enjoy acting out Bats vs Supes. Are kids just not into this stuff anymore?


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child support checks

Do I have to accept a child support check covered in literal shit or otherwise if it is made elaborately hard to get? (self.legaladvice)

In the last year, he has stuck the check in an actually bucket of slop, he has stuck it in a zip lock baggie of dog shit, he has taped it to my roof, he has tried to get me to play an elaborate scavenger hunt, he has driven to my son’s elementary school on a day that isn’t his custody day and stuck in my son’s backpack and not told anyone and when I asked him where it was he has said ” guess where?” which lead to an elaborate search of the house and two days of a guessing game (it was well hidden in a tiny pocket in the backpack and my son had no idea his dad even put anything in there, he has buried it in my back yard with my son’s help, he has hand delivered to my HR department at work with “for the bitch” on the envelope, paid me cash in all $1, he has threatened to pay me in change (which he has not done yet), and he has written me 350 different checks for $1 each.


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very new atheist

I’m a very new atheist, but I really wanted this movement to be the most gentlemanly thing ever. Like we’re fucking walking down the street in thick bathrobes with our monocles in, teaching people about science, logical thinking, and taking long drags on a pipe in between answering tough questions.


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insider trading

How much trouble could we get in if I gave my cousin information about a stock from where I work? (self.legaladvice)
submitted 10 days ago by possibletroublethrow

I know there are laws against insider trading and I didn’t want to get in trouble for anything. So I gave my cousin the information I knew about my company stock. Now apparently there is an investigation because someone got suspicious and my cousin (with the same uncommon last name as me) has never bought stocks before so it looks weird. He did make some money from it and gave me 2/3 of it.
Location: New York


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husband is especially fond of ducks

So my husband LOVES birds, all kinds of birds. He thinks they are great. He is especially fond of ducks. Last night while he was in the kitchen prepping a snack, I thought it would be fun to change the desktop photo on his laptop (he had left it open on the couch). I found a cute duck picture, made it his desktop background, set the laptop back on the couch, and made my way innocently back to the kitchen table where I had also been having a snack.

My husband finishes his snack a little while later and heads back to the couch while I remain at the table. He pulls his computer towards him and goes, “OMG honey look! Ducks!” As he stands up holding his laptop and tries to come to me, he trips and falls over the glass end table we have, shattering it. If that wasn’t bad enough, he fell onto his macbook, smashing it completely open and crushing it. If that also wasn’t bad enough, he also broke his wrist because of how he fell on it since he was holding the laptop.

I feel like a terrible person, but my husband still loves ducks.


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sims wife

My (34M) wife (31F) makes Sims of women I know and “kills” them off (self.relationships)

…The sim was stuck in a room where the door had been removed, a popular method for when people want to “kill” a sim off. Then I saw the name and saw that it was one of my coworkers’ names. I looked at the other sims in the household and found 4 other coworkers names, all women. There was an urn in the living room (this means a sim that has already been killed) with a 5th woman’s name.


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probably a bit insensitive

I got to university the other morning and in the courtyard in front of the library there was an unconscious girl on the ground. An ambulance had parked itself nearby, the paramedics had set up some sort of monitoring equipment, and a foil-blanket of sorts was draped over the girl’s body. Blood was dripping from her head and nose, and her friend was squatting next to her, in tears, clutching a mobile phone in her hand.

I asked the squatting-girl what was wrong, but she didn’t look at me. The paramedics shuffled around me to get more equipment out of the ambulance, and I asked her again what happened to her friend. No answer.

Then you’ll never guess what happened. Her phone started to ring, and it played the theme to Welcome Back Kotter. It was an MP3 file or something, it had the words and everything. Anyway, she wasn’t answering it. She was just hunched over, staring at her friend, and crying. I thought I’d lighten the mood a bit so I sang a few bars. I must have sang it pretty loudly, because the old paramedic lady glared at me for a bit, and then told me to stop singing.

I didn’t mean to, but I completely burst out laughing. The whole situation just seemed so absurd. In hindsight, though, laughing was probably a bit insensitive.


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I’d heard Archer was good

Oh man, fun story: I’d heard Archer was good so one day I decided to give it a shot. Now I live abroad, so the websites I use are kinda rough around the edges. I go on and find the show, go to the first season, and then pick the first episode listed. Season 1, episode 1 right? Might as well start from the beginning. So it starts, I sit down, plug in my headphones, and boom, velociraptor. There is a velociraptor on the show. No one seems to care, they talk to it, treat it like anybody else. It doesn’t talk, just screech and grunt. It’s awesome, best show I’ve ever seen. I don’t understand the plot, but it’s awesome.


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the nerds always win in the end

The thing is, the nerds always win in the end. The jocks are loud and threatening and big and brash and win early on, but the nerds are subversive and thoughtful and calculating and subtle and play the long game by design, without even realizing it. Long after the jock earns his beer gut and bald spot and consumer BMW trophies and Stepford wife, the nerd is lifehacking and fittit’ing and juggling offers from both jobs and the opposite sex and making cool shit and not giving a shit about material things except when they might change the world like Bitcoin.


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For Science

Hey there, friend. You probably think that you’re so witty and clever for using the “for science” line. You should know, however, that “for science” wasn’t always used to beg for female flesh. In fact, that line was originally a very cool catchphrase, almost a battlecry. It used to mean doing something bizarre or risky in the name of curiosity. It is only more recently that people like you have misappropriated it, and in doing so, perverted it. So please consider that the next time you say “for science”.


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