4 articles Tag Rorschach

NOoooooo Reservations

“Oooh the vegetables are so good” – Anthony Bourdain

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“Wow. Wow, this is VERY good” – Anthony Bourdain

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“Mmm, wow. This is fantastic. Wow this is good” – Anthony Bourdain

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“One thing I’ve noticed about this country is that there is food, everywhere” – Food Critic Anthony Bourdain

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“This mornign like every morning I can barely contain my patronizing chortles as I read the narrative I’m given about the local country’s culture and customs. Needless to say I am looking forward to, that’s right: Breakfast. Which for some reason, is good before I try it. Beautiful fascinating truly amazing culture MKULTRA COINTELPRO Cambodia bombs ant egg omelette Alexander Cockburn egg foo young incredible NEED MORE OIL TO CONTINUE DARPA MISSION” – Anty Bourdain

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Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

Qdoba – Are you hungry? Come on over.

You can buy a Cake & IceCream Burrito at Qdoba, or a Cigarette & Tetanus Burrito for the grownups. There’s always room for Qdoba. Qdoba – Are you hungry? Come on over.

We’ve been expecting you at Qdoba. Hope you enjoy your stay.

If you’re here at Qdoba, you know what to expect. We let our restaurant speak for itself. Advertisements? $500,000. Knowing you’re getting a tasty treat with real sugar cane and churned, semisweet unhydrogenated fortified tortillas with real flour&vinaigrette on the top.

Why not stop over at Qdoba’s for a bite to eat? Qdoba is like your friend except he never bugs you for season tickets to a sports event or hits on your wife and children when you’re eating a burger with the dog. Qdoba – it’s always dinner here, and it’s friendly.

Get your ass over to Qdoba and take a whiff of the new scratch & sniff burrito. I know you’re going to buy one. Just hurry the fuck up and do it and maybe you’ll get laid since you’re not being a stupid pussy and not coming to Qdoba.

Qdoba is the home of the world’s first (and best) lemon slices. Enjoy them inside your burrito, in your soft drink, in your powerade or your brownie. Yes – we sell brownies. They aren’t spicy as much as… sweet. That’s right, we put real sugar in our brownies. It’s time to unbuckle the belt.

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Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

some call me CalmBro

okay, im at my parents last weekend for easter, im bored and i had taken some oxycodone the doc prescribed me and my friends from high school call and tell me to come to my buddies for a party

i get over there and theyre trashed as hell wrestling really homoerotically, giggling as they grab each others asses on the ground to gross out the girls and sublime 40oz to freedom is blaring. im deciding whether or not i want to drink so i get a beer out and im sitting there watching the worlds gayest ufc match when someones college friends i dont know come in

they come up to me trashed as hell as im sitting on the couch and theyre like HEY BRO WHATS UP DUDE WHATS YOUR NAME. i really dont want to talk to them so im like “some call me CalmBro” thinking theyll think im a dork and leave me be. except one kids like “why do they call you that” and his friend decides to lend his expertise “haha its pretty obvious dude.” then motions to me and says “hes calm.” and i fucking lose it and start laughing hysterically at this kid who thinks hes intelligent for understanding the meaning behind my “name” they then call me CalmBro in conversation and reference as if this is my real name for the next 3 hours

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Categories: Reality  /  Tags:

mark “eeyore” pomerantz

reminder that mark “eeyore” pomerantz goes into the blackest clubs around and plays this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyeoW4ifNik then casually saunters to the bar and orders a huge mudslide, opens his sweaty grey silk shirt and pours it down his chest then struts onto the dance floor snapping his fingers then as nikki costa starts singing hes doing some cool moves (somersaults, back handsprings, toe touches into the charleston) all the while inching ever closer to the fattest black man in the building so he can nervously scream EVERYBODYS GOT THEIR SOMETHING with the chorus and menacingly look around at anybody thats staring while he bumps+grinds with blaqdaddy until the bouncers pull him away and everyone laughs at his ridiculous baby boner jabbing at marks black+white nike windpants while he continues looking at them with the same scorned rebellious glare as the tears of thwarted ambition, bigotry and cheap twurkin fall down his teddy graham face, picking up pieces of black sweatand oreo creme around his mouth (sometimes he licks the tears for salty+sweet snack)

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Categories: Fiction  /  Tags: