12 articles Tag Skylark

whats up fonzy bitch

it sucked before internet gave us interactive social forums and stuff, you basically only had tv, which was non-interactive so you couldn’t turn on the tv after years of not watching it and say whats up fonzy bitch i stopped watching your show for ten years because i got a life.. i see you are still here in your show happy days fucking nerd


Categories: Fiction, Reality  /  Tags:

really good at avoiding lava

(Cashier holds out my change after i give them a 20. I stand there confidently, refusing to budge and take the change)

Cashier: (Getting annoyed) Uhm whats the problem? Are you going to take your change or what?

Me: Actually I was just pretending the change was lava, so i didn’t touch it. I pretend things are lava a lot – its part of my intense never-ending mindgame training to be really good at avoiding lava.

Cashier (suddenly not angry anymore): Wow that’s actually really neat, it’s impressive that you’re so dedicated and skilled. I’m lucky i got to see you at work.


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

god vs satan

as i understand things, this is what the two biggest religious figures in the world, god and satan, think about this stuff -

masturbation
god: I dont like it… you should be doing other stuff.. get married and have kids if you are so horny
satan: i think it’s cool to masturbate, mnostly just on the grounds that god doesn’t like it. i like you being bad (this is his stance on most things)

Blowing your own head off
god: stupid to do that because it keeps you from doing stuff i like you to do like going to church
satan: like it a lot, it brings you to hell instantly, i am always trying to get more people to come here instead of going to church

so it goes to show that god and satan are kind of the ying and yang of religion


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

How come that guy spends all his time at the computer

Stupid girl: How come that guy spends all his time at the computer smacking his keyboard and chuckling like a faggot
Smart man who has to explain stuff for the girl: Hes an artisan who is crafting extremely ironic shit for his internet friends, like how Baytoven was in the lab creating music even though he could have been laid easily, and how Hitler could have got pussy every night but instead he stayed in his quarters brainstorming for the final solution to jews, because he knew that solving the jewish problem was more important than one guy getting his dick wet from some slut.


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

Chris Dorner

After surviving the blaze through a narrow escape, Chris Dorner finds himself once again on the move. For Chris, it feels like his adventure is just beginning – he’s found an unlikely co-adventurer in Daniel, a young mage from Big Bear. Daniel shows a lot of promise with powerful spells.. when he can control them! But he’s eager to learn, and help Chris in any way he can, as they make their way to the eerie Tahoe Forest where, rumor has it, the cops are testing a large mutant cop.


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

thanks for the advice

Aaaa you guys are great thanks for the advice. I decided to leave the whole fucked-up roommate situation behind, deleted his number from my phone, and will just be staying with my parents for the time being while I try to get back on my feet and find a job. Dad says he knows times are tough so instead of rent he’s just asking for a ~120 page comic that tells the story of a young elk/meerkat hybrid warrior-mage named Kemali trying to unite five elemental stones with the power to rule feudal Japan, but can she gather the stones before the evil diapered buffalo sorcerer Rubo-chun? I’m also not allowed to bring the “family Pringles can” into my personal bedroom, even during meals.


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

WAT a nite grizzly bear maybe best live show ever

WAT a nite grizzly bear maybe best live show ever, tues night at the oakland FOX theater… hot chick in stagefront tier danced into me and rubbed against what she thought ws my leftbal/ penis / right ball setup, but was rly my 3ds (pokemon 2, black version) and was way into it. apparently she had a 3DS in her bag as well, because as soon as grizzly bear was finished playing the epic finale, The Sun is in your Eyes, i opened my 3DS to find a slight stat boost in my pokemon. i asked the girl if she wanted to ride bart together, and sure enough on her 3DS her pokemon were exhibiting a similar boost in performance – our stats had been enhanced, perhaps charged, by Shields over the nintendo 3ds streetpass wifi feature.

i reminded her of the phrase “silver and silent” from Shieldses stunning closer after we noticed that the weather ingame had changed to a gorgeous snowstorm in october, something weird was defnitely going on w/ our handhelds.. i asked her Chelmsy do you believe in fate? and she said no and a retarded adult got on at the raiders stadium and said a bunch of stuff about the A’s that all the str8 people on bart already knew but they patronized him and acted like it was interesting.


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

a picture of the future

If you want a picture of the future, imagine a high school attended by all of the Sonic the Hedgehog characters, and during class Shadow passes a note to Sonic that says ‘Hey i have something i need to tell you at recess.’ And at recess they hang out near a picnic table and Shadow puts his gloved hand on Sonic’s and looks into his.eyes and they share a deep, passionate kiss. Then the bell rings, and it’s back to class for Sonic and friends, but there is a new tension among them.. It is a very exciting time, for Sonic and Shadow. It’s awesome to imagine this.


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

i blamed myself for everything that was going wrong IT-wise in the company.

i forgot to attach the pdf to my email before i sent it, and i cast myself into exile. i wandered aimlessly around the office in shame, past other employees, and copy machines that meant nothing to me now. dave told me to go back to my desk and sit down because i was getting in ppls way.


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

In the future, wars will be fought not with gunpowder and muskets

“In the future, wars will be fought not with gunpowder and muskets, but with lasers and backpacks; not with human lives, but sexy anthropomorphised animals, with big fuzzy paws, adorable ears that I want to ‘scritch’, and massive, swollen animal cocks ripe for the sucking. The wars will be fought near an arcade with a decent selection of games.” – Ulysses S. Grant


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags: