21 articles Tag squishyfish

i am pure consciousness

i am pure consciousness, i have no physical manifestation, i dont own a computer, i am deaf, i dont speak english, i live in a land that speaks only with its eyes, i have no sense of smell, i have never seen an insect, i think the media is being unfair on sarah palin, i am blind because i have never been above ground, and i like to make boys cry


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ultimate Dreamcast jrpg

Toney Hawk and Sonic the hedgehog team up to make the ultimate Dreamcast jrpg, with insane bosses, sick characterization, and partial nuidety. Slimer drives drunk on ectocooler+vodkas and accidently runs over a child.All the power rangers die simultaneously in a plane crash over the chilean andes, except for the black ranger who kills himself 3 years later due to guilt with a deadly xanax, white rice, and 90s nostalgia cocktail. Pizza Hut Labs never invents the stuffed crust and the world exists perpetually in the grim dystopian alternate reality of restricted cheese delivery technology. Aids is cured in late 1996 but rory still dies of an ass disease


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glass of sweet tea

So my girlfriend made me a glass of sweet tea the other day. I examined it closely to see how much she fucked it up, usually a lot. Anyhoo. Fine condensation beading on exterior of glass, check. Slight froth lacing along top edge, check. Viscous but runny and thin mouthfeel, check. But then something caught my attention. The sugar….. I could tell! It had been dissolved some time within the last hour! I threw all her things out onto the lawn and had my house slaves dump the disgraceful pitcher of tea all over her unconscious body.


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urbex is better then hiking

urbex is better then hiking. reasons?

1) when you finish your healthy ass snacks you packed you can just throw the wrappers where the fuck ever you like

2) sometimes i just fucking pack extra wrappers so i can throw them away inside whatever sweet abandoned ancient sewer im in

3) it dark so you dont need any sunscreen

4) scatter the trash you find

5) light anything you want on fire! nobody owns it/cares

6) you legally own all the human remains you find. congratulations

7) do NOT go into uncharted east bay. only warning

8) you can train the badass intelligent toxic waste rats to tell you simple stories to help you go to sleep

etc

pm me with any question’s.


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

bleeding, greasy man

CNN – The bleeding, greasy man known only as the “bleeding, greasy man” has struck again in an epic disruption of a fun time at the waterpark for hundreds of tourists. The bleeding, greasy man again managed to elude emergency services workers after heroically freeing himself after 12 hours of bleeding, greasy immobility. Police released a statement saying that the department is following up on all leads, including the trail of blood and grease leading out of the waterpark.


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here comes the ATOMS!

Oh boy here comes the ATOMS!!!! crowd! Oh HERE COMES THE ATOMS ONE ONE ONE ELEVEN !!!!! ONE ONE ELEVEN ELVEN ONE ONEON*nuclear holocaust is beginning, speaker ignites, sound of 7,000,000,000 simultaneous Howie Screams fills the air, time ceases forever, chaos reigns, there is no more tomorrow, a boy and his dog walk through burned America, everyones wallet is full of blood, Death destroyer of worlds descends from the sky on a chariot of tiny birdskālo’smi lokaká¹£ayaká¹›tpravá¹›ddho lokānsamāhartumiha pravá¹›ttaḥ…… or maybe nuclear power is actually safe? fucktards.. r->c->p


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Catpicture Showdown Emporium

Listen up you uncooperative fuckers, here are the new rules for the Catpicture SHowdown Emporium

  1. no pictures of water mammels
  2. check your jpegs at the door! break my tables and you are fucking banned for ever
  3. no words
  4. only post pictures of cats. how. many. time. do. i .have. to .saythis
  5. post no words
  6. dont poast any words!!! only catt pitcures!!!! jesus fucking christ you retarded fucking people
  7. if someone else think its `clever’ or `funny’` to post something thats not a cat picture i
  8. will fucking dest
  9. roy them
  10. no talking about lunch, or breakfast, or anything thats not a cat picture
  11. deviate a fucking millimeter from these simple god damn rules and i will ban you without a moments hesitation or remorse as i have so many before you
  12. try it. fucking try it
  13. do it i swear to god see what fucking happens
  14. HAVE FUN!


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Jim Hondrin

Jim Hondrin is perched atop the 33rd story window of the magnificent new Egg Building. Cutting across the foggy San Francisco skyline, the gleaming skyscraper is the latest acquisition in the 34 year old’s global Weird Twitter empire. During our conversation, he stops talking abruptly to post sentences on his pink-rimmed iPhone like “grips milk jug” or “mysterious dogcube rediscovered outside cairo”. With a wry, doughy smile, he tells me that Weird Tweeting takes discipline, and “just a little bit of epic randomness”.


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Faggot Frank’s Subs

Lol I can’t believe you actually think that place is good. Imo the only good subs in the Bay are at Retard Ricky’s Subs. God damn that man knows how to make a fucking sub. The other day my friend wanted to go to Faggot Frank’s and I just fucked stared at him for 10 minutes and then slowly backed away from him for 20 minutes straight. Well turns out I fell off the bay bridge at the 21st minute of backing away so I’m in the hospital now. Peace! Obama for change

Lol at everyone that said Nigger Neil’s Shitwater Tacos is anything but a fucking insipid mainstream trashhouse. I have some news for yall nobody makes a good Shitwater Taco in this town. You have to go to this other town to even have a chance at getting one, the town that’s not here. No I cant take you to that town they only let in people who arent complete fucking idiots. Meanwhile just eat your chipolte burritos and faggotfranks subs and think you are being indie while i suck down as much free vegan wifi hotspot as my gphone can use in little ernies shitwater tacos down in the south south south bay. oh word yall never heard of the south south south bay im not surprised.

I took a bite of my salad at Salad Faggot’s Faggot Salad House. I glanced down at my salad and froze in horror. I could feel everyone staring at me as I realized that I had put salad dressing on my salad. “Oh shit,” I mumbled as salad chunks dribbled down my chin. How could I forget? Salad dressing was 2007, and this was 2008. Fuck. I gathered up my gPhone, iPod Touch, MacBook Gold, SunFuck Nancy, googleDick alpha, and Wetfoot Stringcube. I left the restaurant covered in salad and my head hung low. I couldn’t bring myself to make eye contact with anyone on the way home. I left a big puddle of salad and vegan basalmic vinegar on the bart but didnt even care. by the time i arrived at my eastbay studio i knew i didnt have long to live. as my last act on this earth, i collapsed in my kitchen, making a mess of my pots and pans. a cruel smile flickered across my face as my soul descended to hell. goodbye forever.


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

post-apocalyptic hellscape

So, I’m going to be staying for a time in a post-apocalyptic hellscape, picking through the ruins of Neo-Eastbay and trying to avoid roaming rape gangs. I will have no food, water, shelter, or pockets and I will be missing half of one of my arms. The extreme doses of background radiation will cause my eyesight to fade, my hair to fall out in coarse tufts, and my skin to flake off in vast, painful sheets. I will be losing all motor skills and equilibrium, so I expect to be mainly dragging myself through toxic rubble, blinded and squealing, desperately using my baby arm to cross endless plains of human excrement. What Android tablet should I buy?


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