2 articles Tag Twisty

the twisty job

first up is the spook, the cia’s man on the twisty job. he wears a sharp suit and the kind of sunglasses that can hide the pleasure in a man’s eyes during an assassination. “bread is gay” says the cia man. he withdraws a laser pointer and a remote control from his inner jacket pocket. clicking the button, the projector protruding from the ceiling whirrs to life, and the far wall is illuminated with an in depth powerpoint presentation. the cia world factbook facts are undeniable. bread IS gay. to make his final point, the via man traces the large, bold letters “bread is gay” individually with his laser pointer on twisty’s vest.

the tears have begun.

next up, the fbi man. special agent mulder. this is a man possessed of less class than the cia man, for sure. a shirt and tie job. this man is less researched, less studious. “anime is gay?”, he intones. twisty dismisses the notion outright. but over the course of his hour long presentation enough circumstancial evidence is presented for a seed of doubt to be planted in twisty’s fragile mine. could it be that anime is gay?

the tears are falling freely now

finally, the nsa man, a slovely beast. he is poorly dressed and his pony tail is tucked into the back of his t-shirt. he is wearing a lanyard. this man knows his way around a computer. this could be the killer blow. he clears his throat: “im permabanned poster niggerstomper58. i first started reading fyad when i was about 12. by 14 i got really obsessed with the concept of “irony” and tried to channel it constantly, until my thought process got really bizarre and i would repeat things like “nigger balls” and “i love shitting inside nigger assholes” in my head for hours, and i would get really paranoid, start seeing things in the corners of my eyes etc, basically prodromal schizophrenia. im now on antipsychotics. i always wondered what the kind of “ironic” style of fyad humor was all about; i think it’s the unconscious leaking in to the conscious, what jungian theory considered to be the cause of schizophrenic and schizotypal syptoms. i would advise all people who “get” fyad to be careful because that likely means you have a predisposition to a mental illness. peace.”


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The Twisty Saga

[Twisty is pictured kind of stumbling around in an open field with a pack of dogs] *Movie trailer voice guy speaks* 

This Holiday Season…

[Twisty looks at a deer, or is it a loaf of bread in a bakery? Is this guy retarded?]

Twisty: “My time as a virgin is over.”

He dared do the impossible…

[A frog-faced, flat-assed asian teenager walks into the bakery he works at and orders some bread]

Twisty [talking to himself]: There is Cowboy Bebop. And Princess Mononoke. And what else? Oh. The Gameboy Advance. And Black Bible Saga. And the Sega Genesis. No… NOT the Sega Genesis.

(more…)


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags: