6 articles Tag Twitter

I’ve never stopped watching you, @fart

I’ve never stopped watching you, @fart. And I revel in this moment. Buzzfeed. “LOL”. “win”. “omg”. Is this what you wanted? Ensconcing yourself in irony for years, honing a style, leading a movement, only to emerge for.. Buzzfeed? You pal up with Fogelnest and decide that’s reason enough to cast off your ambition? That you’ve “made it”? Egg man? Don’t you remember your origins? How ridiculous you’d find this article not more than 9 months ago? @robdelaney, the visage and mascot of Weird Twitter, knows not the magic he plays with. Hamming it up for a rag like this is expected from him. He promotes himself reflexively. But you? Shame on me for expecting better.

While you parade around for reddit-tier Buzzfeed, I live life authentically on a dairy in Utah as an apprentice cheesemonger. I make the cheese. Do you know the discipline and precision required to make the cheese? Maybe. Once. When you understood what it meant to be discerning, what it meant to sweat. What it meant to be proud of what you do. To crave achievement. Now, though. “trashy”. “fail”. “wtf”. What happened?


Categories: Reality  /  Tags:

LIVE SINGLES IN YOUR AREA

LIVE SINGLES IN YOUR AREA ARE DIPPING THEIR HEADS BENEATH RIVER WATER, SHARPENING THEIR TEETH UPON THE STONES. THEY RISE, SMILING.

LIVE SINGLES IN YOUR AREA ARE SHEDDING THE OLD FORMS. TURNING NEW FACES INTO THE WIND, THEY CALL TO EACH OTHER IN HIGH, TERRIBLE ULULATIONS.

LIVE SINGLES IN YOUR AREA ARE BENDING LOW, THEIR JOINTS TWISTING OBSCENELY. THEY CRAWL FORWARD, A CLICKING PROCESSION OF SPASMODIC LIMBS.

LIVE SINGLES IN YOUR AREA ARE GATHERING AT EVERY ENTRANCE OF YOUR HOME.


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

THE SUPERB OWL

MILLIONS WATCH AS THE SUPERB OWL RENDS CROWDS WITH ITS DREADFUL BEAK AND CRUSHES THEM WITH ITS TERRIBLE TALONS. #SUPERBOWL

A NERVOUS MAN, RED LASER DOT IN THE CENTER OF HIS FOREHEAD. THROUGH STIFLED SOBS, HE ATTEMPTS TO EXPLAIN PINTEREST. – YOUTUBE, 2,043 VIEWS

PHOTO: A DEMOLITION CREW IN FORT WORTH, TX USE CEREMONIAL BLACK DAGGERS TO ASSASSINATE A CONDEMNED BUILDING.

AN INTEGRATED SOCIAL MARKETING PLATFORM EMERGING FROM A FISSURE IN THE OCEAN FLOOR, DISPLACING CLOUDS OF TARRY BLACK FLUID AS IT ASCENDS.


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

Dogs dwelled here………

HMMMMMMMM HARD TO CHOOSE WHICH PASSING COP CAR IM GONNA SCISSOR KICK THEY ALL LOOK SO GOOD

now to just set the mood….*dims lights* *lights candle* *opens door, 20 South Africans march into bedroom blowing vuvuzelas incessantly*

PAUL OAKENFOLD TRANCE DJ KEEPS TRYING TO FLY INTO MY BEDROOM WINDOWS AND I BANG HARD ON THE GLASS TO GET HIM TO STOP. HE JUST FLIES BACK

Please do not bring your Warhammer 40000k figurines to christmas this yr. 4 manger display. It upsets grandma & u do battles

EY!!! NICE 2 MEET U!!HARDLY HEAR U IN HERE SO LOUD! NO I DONT HAVE PILLS! JUST BLOGGING THE RAVE!!! LIQUID DANCE BLOGGING! ITS A NETBOOK!!!

(sometime in the future) Me, wisely at the dog park ruins “Dogs dwelled here………”

2morrow I am going to buy a PO box & immediately start a bee hive/colony in there. They cant do shit! Not in the rulebook. Just like AIR BUD

smashmouth – all star conspicuous by its absence from Dan brown’s new film ‘Avatar’ A Situation I easily remedied w/ my own bOOMBOX+courage

WHO SPRAYPAINTED A WOLF ON THE SIDE OF THE LIBRARY?????? PROBABLY A HERO……….

at the heart of the moon lies a core of raw silver spinning & singing magnetic songs upon the earth is too a cool fantasy football team name

This hut is a simple storehouse. We store grain here on the cool slab floor. Neither you nor your equipment have any place here Tiesto.

hey asshole i didn’t go to all the trouble of making this Friends RTS mod just so you could spam Joeys at me the entire time

DEAR BLOG. ME RAPIDLY SHIFTING MY FIGHTING STANCE AS 7 SMART CARS AGGRESSIVELY CIRCLE AROUND ME AT THE DENTIST OFFICE PARKING LOT TODAY

everyone in Brooklyn will be carrying torches around 6 months from now. I’m ahead of the curve as usual

Well it’s an erotic romp through Colonial Williamsburg featuring the sensual ghost of Dio penned by urs truly. Oh. The Ereader. It’s A Nook


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

i’m not racist, but

i’m not racist, but, *cranes neck to see if anyone’s around. keeps craning. head unscrews entirely. out of the hole pour jewels & mysteries*

“anyone hear about this new ipad?” [jay leno pauses] “anyone hear anything at all?” [jay wanders the desolate cities. even the wind is gone]

it’s sad thinking of all the dogs in old movies that have died, but even sadder thinking of the earth we fled because of the dogs that can’t

an oscar the grouch in every trashcan doesn’t break the canon that there’s only one of him, each connects to a central body in the undercity

Goofs: Beavis believes his existence to be that which he experiences rather than the blanket of darkness shrouding the infinity he does not.


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

imagine a reverse pizza

imagine a reverse pizza. the missing hole on the table where the pizza is meant to be. everything else is pizza. the solar system. the air.

facte: you eat 28 spiders in your lifetime. always 28. if you are about to die and you have only eaten 3 then 25 spiders arrive at once

“dont go out its 90 degrees” “screw u barry im-” *i open the door & am bent back 90°. i am launched violently upwards into space screaming

“ok class time 2 learn the full forbiden alphabet! …x…y…z…‡…” my eyes start 2 bleed “…◊…” a window smashes “…※…” the entire front row die

my rucksack is riped open in the mosh pit sending lego all over the club.the dj has to turn up the house lights while we all help pick it up

“ur in the wrong hood son” “yes but check how warm my hands are” “wha-? hey they ARE warm. HEY PHIL, CHECK OUT HOW WARM THIS KIDS HANDS ARE”

forever cursed to lose at poker due to my massive anime eyes reflecting my cards


Categories: Fiction  /  Tags: