i found a nest of indian and poked it so long they swarmed out and tried to invite me to a delicious , ancient, meal and discuss our different cultural legacies!

i crushed their Queen Mother with my emerald green ionized TrailTrek (R) graphite telecoping hiking pole

Their stingers cannot penetrate my Goretex. Ba ha ha ha ha ha!

MY vitamin water is safe, untainted. It has been geocached 3 meters from camp

Greasy indian paws slide right off my MicroTec nanofiber walking shorties. BaKOW

Luckily my Amazon.com portable GPS/Kindle unit is stocked with the latest Facebook and Twitter auto-apps so that if one of their wretched mandibles gets lodged in my EcoQuench solar hydration canteen ALL my friends will simultaneously come to the grim realization that outside of Farmville… not all is well in the world.

Sticks and Stone may theoretically break your bones, but savages will never catch you when you pilot a 7th generation graphite welded Flex-Core(tm) ion-reinforced Ultra-All Terrain Trek Bike… bitch. (ps. DISK braking, Duh)

These natives will be soiling their outer carapaces when they realize their century old surrounding tactics are NO MATCh for an Omega-3 charged Trailster whose microfiber hiking cardigan permits a full 360 degree torso rotation designed to maximize Western Imperialism

Their sticky oozing indian blood doesn’t come out of my Nike DryFit Travellers Sash – Another 39.95 down the drain. Luckily theres more where that come from! *plays with a carabiner*

I have enough energy bars to live in a state of high-protein sport performance for at least 72 hours…cutting it close…

The recently deceased indian Queen Mother’s brood have reached reproductive age.. By God’s Grace (that is, the singular, discriminate, invented Western God-image, wielded to protect the wealthy — NOT the naive Ooo-ga Wah-ga Hey-hey nature reverance practiced by these evolutionary leftovers) I downloaded 1997’s Anaconda onto my Smartphone and can use it to slowly subvert the values of their young. Their poison weakens with every showing… Soon I will make eunachs of their workers with my 15-in-1 electronic knife.

..And back home Timothy questioned my judgement. Anaconda? He marvelled. Right, Timothy. Never met the lower classes have we??

*dies of heat exhaustion*