ahhh yeah I’m doing it, I’m doing it, I nearly accomplished it. I’m going to be number one of the big horse race. Just need to hit this weird thin cow a few more times and I’ll get a fancy rosette and a kiss from the mayor. Yeah yeah I love this I’m going nearly as fast as a terrible car

Tv horse correspondent: well, youve won all the biggest racing trophies in the land, bagging yourself a tidy $5 million and all the slop your beast could eat. How do you feel [jabs mic sharply forwards]
Jockey [in a fake happy voice]: Yeah, this is definitely better than being tall. I don’t even care about that.

Jockey: I’m going to ride you like a filly in heat
Wife: Oh god, none of the horse stuff tonight please. We were having such a nice time.
Jockey: roll on your stomach I want to sit on top of you
Wife: Thomas I’m begging you. Please.
Jockey: *sweating* feed you oats after, from an old bag

Ahh.. the freedom of going in a straight line all day, the fresh air of sitting on top of an animal that shits and farts all day, the excersise from sitting on a big moving chair all day, the emotional companionship of an animal tgat has to be stopped from looking to the side because otherwise it would run into a fence and die instantly

[whispering to the horse] youd be nothing without me motherfucker. youd be glue without me. dont forget it.