once i was coming back to my mud hut late at night (it was night time) and a dog attacked my with his sharp teeth. the teeth wanted to slice and dice my arms and maybe torso, that is to say the dog who controlled these teeth had this murderous intention, and also the dog barked several times in a really dangerous way. to make a long story short, when the dog lunged towards me, teeth first, i swung my crabarm out in a circle, to specify, that is my left arm, actually my whole body did a 360 degree spin with my crabarm acting like a hammer, or i guess it was more like what happens in a washing machine. anyways, to sum it up, the dog was instantly knocked way the fuck down on the ground. i thought to myself “its fairly fucking possible that dog just stands right back up and fires its teeth at me again, possibly even at my torso (which was unprotected)” so i fired my knees at the ground next to the dog. when my knees made contact, i grabbed the dog by his throat and squeezed out the life in him before his teeth could tear me up. he coughed, and wheezed, and i think was not breathing right due to my strangling actions, and finally, perished. he looked me in the eyes for a brief instant, as if asking “why are you currently strangling me?” to answer, i just looked down at his teeth, and back in his eyes, as if to say “to protect myself from your teeth.” at that moment, there was a deep understanding between us. i buried the dog on top of a pile of garbage and lit the dog+garbage on fire with a piece of fire.

in march of 2009 i had upgraded my mud hut. the mud hut was now made out of some kind of trees material, that is, i had killed some trees with a kind of thick knife, and put the tree bodies in stacks to mimick mud. now in this new mud hut, there was another dog who sometimes wanted to purchase or probably steal food i had accumulated and stored to nourish myself. to distinguish this dog from the previous dog, who was now very much dead + burnt to smithereens: this dog was a different dog. this second, alive dog, hereafter referred to as a dog, also had dangerous teeth, but for whatever reason the creator decided to give this dog more control over his teeth, or, lets say, a more developed capacity for reason and as such restraint, in reference to employing his dangerous teeth. one day (it was day time) i came back from dicing up vines (the purpose of which i will elaborate later in the narrative, do not forget this detail!!) and witnessed the dog burrowing his body into my upgraded mud hut. i say burrowing, to reinforce the malicious intentions this dog had towards me, my food, and my upgraded mud hut, but in reality there was no actual “burrowing” per se, because the walls were of dead tree materials and the floor … well, the floor was mud and could be burrowed into quite easily to be completely honest, but the dog wasn’t burrowing into it at this point in time. in fact, the dog just kind of entered through some other means, which is beyond the scope of this narrative. catching the dog red handed, his gelatinous eyes fixed on my stored food, i decided to destroy this dogs life like the other, before his teeth could rip apart my condensed milk, or maybe even my torso if his mood changed, or just fall haphazardly onto the floor from old age and have to be cleaned up. this time i had a medium sized knife, which i used to dice vines (ring a bell?) in my right, non-crab, arm… that is to say hand. this knife i used to pass a smaller, third, knife into my left crabarm and dispatch the dog.

there comes a moment in every dogs life when it must decide between being destoyed and later incinerated by me or not firing its goddamn dangerous teeth at me in a completely outrageous, murderous way. to be fair, i dont know if EVERY dog needs to make this decision, but im 100% at least 2 dogs thusfar had done so, and until evidence can be provided to the contrary (burden of proof, etc.) i maintain that this characteristic decision identify not just 1 or 2 dogs, but all dogs, and maybe even indians. a third dog crossed my path in the later months of 2009, and i use this expression in its absolutely most literary sense, in that there was a path in front of my highly upgraded (at this point) mud hut that i considered “mine” as far as any object or idea can be attributed or owned by an individual in this world, and one evening (it was neither day nor night, i cannot think of a way to more accurately describe this complicated state) a dog crossed it. to the credit of dogs everywhere, this dog was as close to being my friend as i could be comfortable with, mostly due to the fact that the dog in question had lost its teeth in some kind of accident, a misfire if you will, at some previous time and in some other location. as to whether his teeth were lost in an act of aggression or perhaps even a stroke of misfortune, i cannot say, but given my prior experience with dogs i still did not completely trust his intentions. dogs without teeth are, in a very real way, harmess, but as one very famous president once said “trespassing, is as much a crime as biting.” due to our more caring relationship, this dog i decided to punish by drowning it in a river. i fashioned a net out of a material excellent for making nets (can you think of anything…? hint hint) snared the beast and tossed him into the drink. in retrospect, i cannot confirm this dog died here, or farther downriver, or at all, but can conclude that i lost forever my hudson trail outfitters brand hunting net and can only assume some murderous indian and/or dog recovered it from river and has terrible designs in store for me with it…

in december of 2008, before i had killed a dog by method of strangulation, and before i had killed a dog by method of dispatching it with a knife, and before i had (possibly) killed a dog by method of throwing him in, snared in an expensive campers net, a river, a fourth dog engaged me, if, in this moment we are counting dogs sequentially and backwards in time, starting at that moment previously described in which a entirely harmless but trespassing dog almost certainly drowned in a river not far from a complicated, now-reinforced mud hut structure that was, at that time, my home. this fourth dog engaged me through the crystal pane of a sturdy car window, and yet the danger that radiated from this beast was in no way diminished by the seemingly indestructible plane of glass that contained it, for the moment anyways, at a relatively short distance in space but a world away in respect to its sensory connection to my being, being that i could not hear its teeth mashing nor smell its teeth or surrounding organs, and certainly not touch its dangerous body (my first tactile encounter with a dog came later, see: the strangling). it is true that i could see the animal due to the transparency of the glass and if we are counting senses, and i will assume we are, it would not be an exageration to say that i could also sense the dog and its murderous attitude towards me in that sixth way that, looking back now, really quite accurately embodied the attitude that ALL dogs would thenceforth express towards me, my food, the path near my mud hut (at all stages of upgrades and modification) and conclude that this painful encounter left a deep impression on me, was, although not overtly, no less violent than my future encounters with dogs and functions perfectly as what scholars and educated indians often call “foreshadowing.”