I’m working on an art DVD and I would like to have a brief porn segment on it. I’ve invented a series of non-penetrating sex moves that I would like to showcase and I am looking to hire goons from the DMV area who would be willing to perform them. I haven’t finished writing the film, but I have a number of ideas. The first is that it’s just a general showcase of the sex moves, which I think would be cool and good enough. My other idea is called “The Plymouth Rock Sexual Encounter” and depicts a sexual ritual performed by a Native American and my ancestor William Bradford, who was a pilgrim, a signer of the Mayflower Compact, the second governor of the Plymouth colony, and a powerful rapist (according to my story).

I am looking for people who are dumpy, ugly, and gross. Although I will not rule out people who are attractive, I would prefer people who are repulsive. Additionally, I will pay extra if you have bizarre/funny physical deformities or require a wheelchair. I am looking for a man and a woman, although depending on how the writing process goes I could hire two men or two women. If I only get a single applicant, I also have started writing a film called “Lone Jacker”.