12 articles Tag NaNoWriMo

Vendetta Bladeswallow

Vendetta Bladeswallow put the technology cube inside of the plasma duct. “The plasma duct normally takes 6.2 seconds to aetherfuse the cube,” she said. I nodded, since even a baby would know that a plasma duct can aetherfuse a technology cube in 6.2 seconds. “But I added a special cyberengine that makes it do the same thing in 5.8 seconds instead.” Her spacesuit was a sexy thong and you could see her boobs really well in it too.
“Holy shit!” I yelled. “That’s the fastest a technology cube has been aetherfused ever in the whole history of the universe!” It was true. If you tried to do it faster a bad portal would happen and lightning would shoot out.

Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

trip spacefuck

trip spacefuck put on his trusty space coat and readied his beams. “I wont let those PlekandooXankar scum get ahold of my math equation,” he said as he fired some of the beams that were ready. Not all of them. He still had 6 beams left. The spaceship holds 8 beams by the way.

Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

Hacker Truthen

Hacker Truthen came to on the balcony of the octoballoon with sunlight caressing her ebony skin and a major fuckoff headache pounding in her head. A hairy arm was gently shaking her, and she halfheartedly attempted to bat it away before realizing who it was attached to: the hyperchimp Sir Eddleton was squatting by her, grinning beneath his prismatic monocle. “Ah, you’ve finally come ’round! Splendid. That necrogoblin ambush was frightful to say the least, you took a nasty blow from one of their hell-cannons before I could fend them off.”

“But how?” She mumbled dully.

“Why, this of course!” Sir Eddleton raised the arm that wasn’t gripping her shoulder, showing off the brass pneumatic rivet rifle that had been grafted onto it. “While you were upgrading your cyblade in town, I visited the local shaman and got this magnificent machination attached to my flesh and mind,” he said, tapping his head for emphasis.

Hacker nodded thoughtfully. Impressive. Though the hyperchimps are less than adept with modern technology, their connection to the natural world gives them powers over magic that the “advanced” humans had forgotten long ago… And it seems like I can trust this one.

Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

You know, I had sex on foam once.

I looked down at the floor. It was foam. I chortled on the Moon.

“This foam… You know, I had sex on foam once.” Then, quieter, just to myself, “With a beautiful Japanese wife.” My mind suddenly flashed back to the sex I had on foam once with a beautiful Japanese wife.

Her skin was like origami paper. Her lips were like Japanese fish you see in old paintings and woodcuts, etc. Her breasts were like two moons.

“I was just sixteen, but it was cool instead of creepy, because I’m a boy.” I lit a Moon Light, the moon cigarette, with a flick of my runes. “A boy named hilary.”

“That’s what this foam reminds me of,” I finished, pulling myself back to the conversation at hand. I couldn’t spend all of my time lost in my head, imagining something far from reality. Not when there was moon treasure to find.

Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

Cream Stoneflint

The year is 2068, and everything is in the future but the Soviet Union is still aoround, and theres badass like Stalin portraits and weird cars and stuff and all the colors everywhere are fairly fucking desaturated. Cream Stoneflint is a cybernetic detective that stumbles onto the case of a lifetime when some pigs labeled 1, 2, and 4 go missing. But where is the third…? Cream must embark on a journey through time, space, and the twisted carnage of his own psyche to find the answers he’s searching for.

Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

Novel: Sex Motorcycle

Genre: Erotic Fiction

A biker finds a motorcycle at an old mechanic shop that has a pussy in the seat so you can fuck it while riding. He has to keep it a secret because all the guys in his biker gang would want to fuck it

“Why do you have to zip up your pants every time you get off that hog, Travis,” Punchy said. I nearly fell off the bike, aghast. “You got a pussy in that thing?” I coughed and gulped. “Hahahaha, nice one, Punchy,” I said

Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

The Scissorman

The Scissorman sliced and diced Bartleby’s flashy Osprey-brand hiking pack, spilling out its contents like a torrent of brand new video games from a busted box off of a ladder.

“Nooooooooo!” James shouted calmly.

“The computer, James,” Bartleby cried out, “the computer,” he repeated, “its inside the Osprey-brand backpack,” he clarified diligently.

The Scissorman didn’t give a rats ass about home networks. It wanted to cut us into ribbons.

James slid towards the computer which had spilled out of the backpack but had a hard case and didn’t break. An expensive case. A scissor-proof case. IF only they made clothes like computers.

The Scissorman struck at Barteby’s face and neck. A direct hit! Bartleby was scratched to holy hell. But not dead. Not yet. Later, maybe. If James didn’t hurry up with the computer.

The computer booted up. Linux loaded.

The Scissorman turned to James.

“Quick, James. Activate the home security network. You’ll have to connect to our router.”

THe Scissorman tried to dice the computer, but was unsuccessful. Christ, it was dangerous.

James clicked on several icons, and connected to the home’s wi-fi.

Bartleby dove towards the Scissorman, knocking him into a bean bag. Anyone remember bean bags? From the 1990s? Yeah, we had 16 of them. Bean Sea James would call it , comeing home from fixing Xfinity dishes in the evenings.

James did it! He activated the security.

“GOod thing this was not a windows computer. We’d still be booting up~!” James screamed at the top of his lungs triumphantly, as the home’s security network activated and an intense burst of daemon killing rounds fired at the Scissorman from a gun that looked like a camera in the hallway, defeating him.

Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

Jennifer Government

Jennifer Government wakes up and immediately sees a large, well dressed man in her room. As soon as she can make out the words SAMWISE BLACKANDDECKER on his corporate badge, she notices that he’s revving an extremely high quality circular saw.

“I see you admiring the craftsmanship of this power tool that I’m holding,” says the man, “so I’m going to give you a taste of what it can do. You’ve fucked with the Avian Syndicate for the last time.”

Laughing maniacally, the crazed corporate assassin lunges at her bed with the saw running at full blast, the razor teeth like sharp metallic corn kernels. Jennifer Government rips off the sheets, exposing her smallish bosom and her delicate white panties. At the last second, she rolls out of the way, like a corn on the cob if it was rolled around somewhere. Jennifer Government plunges her hand under the mattress and deftly extracts a gleaming sai, a traditional Japanese weapon. She repeatedly plunges the well-honed blade into the back of the assassin’s neck, twisting and rending until finally, he stops moving. Blood and spinal fluid drip down the bed like a spilled can of reddish creamed corn.

At that moment, her dog Dog Government lifts his head from a deep slumber and barks compliantly from the other side of the room.

“Damn,” thought Jennifer Government, “I need to get a new watchdog!”

“No fate,” thought the dog.

Categories: Fiction  /  Tags:

A Clear and Feathered Danger

In the technological dystopia of New Delta, the Avian Syndicate, a criminal empire made up entirely of large purple birds, wants the one thing they can’t steal. To get it, they recruit an abused goblin shaman, cast out from her people; with her help, they devise a daring plan that no one sees coming.

Standing in their way is Alfonso Deegan, a grizzled but happily married private detective, and his three associates: Quintanelle Fillion, a young elven mage far from home trying to overcome her racist upbringing; Mordridakon, a red dragon with few social skills and an endless appetite; And Trogg the Genius, the world’s smartest ogre.

Together the detectives must work quickly to defuse the situation before the Syndicate destroys New Delta, or long standing prejudices do it for them.

A Clear and Feathered Danger is the first book in the K23 Detectives fantasy thriller series.

Categories: Reality  /  Tags:

like a movie

Rogue Light activated his Future Tech, and saw that some J.E.R.K.S. at The Organization had changed his username to ‘Rouge Light’ — “this is really gay” said Rogue Light .. it was like a movie: gay shit was happening, the sounds of cars were like a movie, and the vistas were like a movie, too — “this is very much like a movie” Rogue Light thought approvingly .. “except in the movies, not everything turns out like in real life” (here is my use of ‘foreshadowing’ Ms. Jansen) Rogue Light then sighed really deeply and took some opiates until death.

Categories: Fiction  /  Tags: