5 articles Tag sausage paddy

Classic judeo-christian fails

. turning the other cheek. beta manlet much?? it can also be interpreted in a sexual way, leaving you open to the gutteral owns of the swart races. fail.

. thou shalt have no god but me: uhh wow. huge red flag right there. like you needed any more proof after the way he treated his son. this guy is the definition of rape culture

. communion wafers – they ran out of actual body of christ two thousand years ago. look it up

. celibacy. this one actually owns. sorry but its true.

. hell: yeah sure put all my favorite people in one place. big punishment. the devil thinks hes so good at ironic torture but he’s stuck on new sincerity. definite fail for everyone involved in that shitshow

. original sin – a hurr durr i cant nbelieve they found the day zero exploit i told everyone about. time to be mature and shut down the server forever

. crusades: BIG fail. bunch of cucks going to the desert to learn how to fuck boys. i cant even describe how epic this fail was.

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I cant do this to you, Mona

“I cant do this to you, Mona” said the seriously handsome guy with just the right amount of stubble. “You are a normal human girl, and I’m a sexy alien or possibly ghost. Our love is forbidden – I am just too weird.” He got up from the bed, to go to the mesa and stare at the colors of the sunset – the colors of emotion, the emotions of a strange town lost in time and space; not all of them were good emotions, some of them were bad, and some of them were racist, but there was a place for them in ths sky, the sky over this unique town that shared a soul with the dust and sky, that it was on top of and underneath, respectively. The sexy half-mexican hands, hands of loving touches, hands that loved to run through chest hair, of the girl on the bed stopped him. “We are all weird – on the inside” she shispered in his ear, thinking about sex and being sexy, and how people were sexy in the past that is the present, for her. Mona spread her labia to reveal a howling cacophony of ex-husbands.

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oh jesus

jesus christ, the serrations on this quarter could FUCK UP my tendre pasty flesh… here. here! *frantically jams 50 dollar bills into bus fare slot* no, i dont want chnge, oh jesus OH NO *quarters pour out, tear into sad mans ankles like a pack of ratchet wolverines*

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newsflash: crouching behind the copier and pretending to talk on the radio does not make you solid snake. i dont care how many guns you have hidden in your elevator shoes do your g-d job or im calling corporate on your ass. oh yeah, nice sleeper hold bitch. youre lucky its friday and im too lazy to fill out an incident report. now im laying on the ground. no i wont give you my lean cusine calorie mate no matter how many times you pick up my legs and drag me around a little bit.

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our trans* friendly group sex party

well lets just say that our trans* friendly group sex party quickly degenerated into an orgy of microagressions as the penis-privileged imposed their existence by “getting hard” and making soft skin sounds in the corner as they masturbated their oppression organs whilst the rest of us were having a serious empowerment circle discussion regarding the most gender-neutral equitive sex toy. then we had to deal with reactionary stockholm syndrome as one of the systers had a breakdown, sobbing that hir beautiful vagina was a grotesque mistake that constantly leaked pus and anal discharge and that shi wished shi had never moved beyond the pupa stage of hir sexual unfolding. well we pried that lovely flower open, and against doctors orders engaged in a rich session of cunnilingus and rectal wine shots that soothed hir nerves. shi was nearly catatonic with pleasure, but all our efforts could not deprogram hir from the patriarchy’s mental conditioning. the moans of daddy help me, i hate this place, i hate my self, i hate my friends, why have i done this to myself you were right alll along, were extremely sex-negative and triggered two of our paarticpiants into abuse flashbacks recalling how they were forcefully potty trained against their will. although we were prepared for the feces (kink positive does NOT descriminate) the emotional fallout was too much and the cis sexual activity happening outside the circle was simply insulting. the offenders were ejected and after some deliberation and minor injuries the others left in bad faith. needless to say i will be petitioning the twitter and tumblr user/mod communities for a better Evolved Mindset checklist/compatibility app, this is Not acceptable and i am extremely disappointed in how regressive and reactionary the Movement has become.

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